Postponing the Afterlife With Pop

I wanted to share this conversation I had recently with all of you, but I had to sort of recreate it since there was no way I was to know at the time that it’d end up being so hilarious (to me at least).

Saturday night, the Anderson residence.
A conversation between Nikki and Beth:
(Don't worry, you’ll be able to tell who’s who.)


I try not to drink that much soda.

I could never give up Dr Pepper. I love it too much. It makes me happy.

You’re an addict.

I am not.

The first step is admitting you have a problem. *

It’s not a problem. It’s good for you.

No, it’s not. Why do you think I feel guilty every time I drink a Coke?

I don’t know. Why? Soda’s good for you.

No, it’s not.

Yes, I bet the first ingredient is water. *Points to can in her hand* See? Carbonated water.

That’s not water.

Yes, it is. Water fortified with carbon. You have to get it from somewhere.

Carbon dioxide? You could get that from breathing.

*Continues reading ingredients* High fructose corn syrup and/or sugar. Goooood stuff. Carmel color, phosphoric acid, artificial and natural flavors. See, there are natural things in here. Sodium benzoate.

You don’t need that!

Yeah, I do. It’s a preservative. You’ll totally be sorry when I live longer than you. *Reads more* Caffeine. That’s the last ingredient - and I need caffeine.

No, you don’t need it. C'mon, need? See, you’re addicted.

Yes, but I need it because I’ll be living much longer than you.


My logic rocks.
End Blog.

*You can say the words and still not think it's a problem.