Friday, March 31, 2006


Hey, did you know there was a setting in here where you could allow anyone, even non-members to post comments? I just found it. You know what that means? You too can now play on my blog and post things for me and others to read.

I like pretending that people read it. I also like to pretend that they will comment, too... and I won't just get a whole buncha junk from spammers. But I know that's what's going to happen.

I guess it'll just give me something else to do. Delete stupid comments from people trying to get me addicted to free porn. And, like, if I was really interested in free porn, don't they think I'm smart enough to find it on my own? Dear people that do that - we don't need your help, but thanks. Porn's not hard to find.

I mean... so I hear.

End Blog.

Reading Rainbow

Update - Training advancement.
I'm moving on from blood to semen ID at work.

As I'm reading for research sake, I find an article from the late 1800s, describing the flavor of semen. It states, “According to certain authors, its flavor is peculiar, very bitter; according to others, simply a bit salty or flat. It is the last which appears to be true, but it’s possible there are variations.”

You’ll do anything in the name of science, Boys, won’t you?

I’m very happy that common practices in science did not persist over time. Thank god for lab hygiene, personal protective equipment, and practices to avoid disease and contamination. Thank you for not allowing me to taste biohazerdous material.

Also, your Daily Vocabulary, as I’m reading again. The joy.

- a man who has anal sex with a boy

- to fertilize something, or make somebody pregnant

Orchitis - inflammation of one or both testicles, usually caused by infection (can cause infertility)

I work at a job where we talk about semen and vaginal swabs on a daily basis. You'll get used to it.

End Blog.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

This Day in History

On this day in 1979, there was a major nuclear accident at Three Mile Island in Middletown, PA.

Also on this day, with almost equally disasterous ramifications:
I burned my tongue.

End Blog.

My Job Is So Cool

There’s been a big news story for the past several days about a home invasion where the victim shot and killed two men who allegedly kicked in his door. These men were found down the street, shot to death in a white SUV. The crime scene was a mad house with people crawling all over it and I think some of our CSTs briefly made the news while they were processing the car outside.

You can read about it here:

News video:

I got to see the crime scene photos of this case today. How cool is my job?

Some details of the case are most likely misrepresented by the media, but sadly, I can’t really elaborate on it. Of course, I probably know more than the media does, so I don’t blame them for only reporting what they can gather as the investigation continues.

I guess this is something I’ll come across a lot in the years to come. I can see even the news starting to annoy me soon.

However, aside from all of this, the case initially caught my interest when it was reported Sunday because the shooter is claiming self defense. Um… dude, the guys were driving away in an SUV when you stood on your porch and shot at them. How can you be in any danger at that point?

In my opinion, this is no longer self defense. They’re not in your home. They were fleeing the scene. And from what I gathered in law class… you could be in big trouble, Mister. The only way you'll come out rosey in this is if they were firing at you while they were driving away. And that... I don't know.

And now, your Law Lesson from a girl who hated law class:
You can only use self defense as an excuse to a crime: "If a reasonable person would think that s/he is about to be physically attacked, s/he has the right to strike first and prevent the attack. But s/he cannot use more force than is reasonable - if s/he does, s/he may be guilty of a crime.”

Sure, the intruders had guns, so the use of deadly force was justified. But, the key here is that they were fleeing the scene and no longer a threat. Some states even require that for you to use self defense, that you must have tried to flee from the scene to safety first yourself and been unsuccessful.

Makes me wonder what the Missouri state laws are about self defense, since they vary state to state. Now, if this were Texas… it’s very possible that he could have gotten away with what he did, but I’m not so sure about Missouri.

Thankfully, I don't make those kinds of decisions about court and charges and get to stay out of the whole big mess. I still wonder why in the world they made me take those law classes, anyway. Should be interesting to see what happens.

End Blog.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Let's Get Physical... Physical

Thanks to Brenda and Beth... I've stolen this. So, me too.

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch: 12
Quality Time: 7
Words of Affirmation: 5
Acts of Service: 4
Receiving Gifts: 2


Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

This is really not surprising. And also sad that I live alone.

I don't need gifts and I don't need you to do stuff for me, just say a couple nice things, spend time with me, and touch me a whole bunch. And I'll be a happy camper. Maybe this is why dogs make me happy. A quiet companion who'll sit on your lap.

End Blog.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006


Another great thing about moving out of my old place...

You can drink the tap water here. And it doesn't taste like "dirt and pipes". I might actually drink more of it like I should.

Oh, and on a somewhat related note - what an awesome word - Spigot. Looking at it, it seems like it should be a racial slur or something. But it's not. But it looks like something horribly derogitory. Maybe it is. Maybe it's a disparaging term for a gay Hispanic man. In which case, the word is totally not as cool.

End Blog.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Redefining Room Temperature

The term room temperature is misleading. It does not mean “temperature of the room” as you think it would. It’s not one of those literal things, and it’s not an exact, precise measurement. In laboratory reports it’s taken to be roughly between 21–23 degrees Celsius (70–73 degrees Fahrenheit).

Frequently “room temperature” is used to describe something warming or cooling to the ambient temperature of the room. This is understood to be in a “comfortable living” range. Now, in the general population, we tend to believe that “room temperature” is somewhere between 68-72 degrees Fahrenheit (21–22 degrees Celsius)*. I’m likely to agree, although I do enjoy a somewhat warmer room.

However, I have found that “room temperature” doesn’t apply once I go to work. There I have two different things going on. I have “office temperature”, which I like to describe as “super cold” and I have “lab temperature” which is more like “frigid, arctic tundra”.

Today, the trace lab was 56 degrees Fahrenheit (13 degrees Celsius). I was in there looking at blood patterns all day. Sitting for 8 hours at 56 degrees is recipe for Nikki Popsicles.

In fact, here it is:

Nikki Popsicle: **
1. Place Nikki in a chair
2. Turn down temperature to 56 degrees Fahrenheit
3. Let sit for 8 hours
4. Serve cold

End Blog.

*Based on a very scientifically sound internet poll of people I know.
**Nikki prefers “Klondike Style” and asks that you not shove a stick up her ass.

I'm Rich!! Kinda.

I got one email today. It was from Chase, the credit card company I don't have a credit card with, telling me that my account has been locked due to unusual activity and I needed to re-log in with all my vital info.

Whoa. My little alarm went off. I have another credit card!? Woooo! Online shopping spree!

I didn't want to not charge things, so I went online, signed in with ramdomly picked numbers and letters (because I knew I didn't have a usename and password), and it took me to a screen that would fix the problem with my non-existant credit card. Woohoo! I totally logged in! They'll just be needing my mother's maiden name, my social security number, an email address, my credit card number, the verification number on the back, and the experiation date.

Hell, if I had all that, I'D BE USING MY OWN DAMN CHASE CARD! I don't freaking have one, people!!

So, if you get an email like this:

Don't click the link. And if you do, don't fill out the info. Or... alternatively... if you do, also sent me the information because I have some things I'd like to buy. Like a bed and a DVD player. Send me that info. I'll totally charge expensive things to your account.

Stupid internet phishing schemes. At least send it to people that actually have the credit card so you don't get found out. I reported it to Chase's email abuse center.

I wouldn't be sad if these people died. Okay, well, maybe I would be a little sad. They were the only ones who emailed me today.

End Blog.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Re-Cut Movie Trailers

There are some geniuses out there with a lot of extra time on their hands who have taken it upon themselves to re-tool the trailers of some of our most beloved movies and turn them into something else. Thrillers become romances. Love stories become horror movies. Horror movies become buddy family dramas. And Brokeback Mountain paved the way for practically everything to be a gay romance.

I’ve gone through lots of these. And here, listed below are the better ones I’ve seen. These are the ones I thought somewhat worthy of sharing, should you feel so inclined to wait for downloads. They don’t all use the same media player, so I hope all of yours are updated.

Sleepless in Seattle as a thriller

The Shining as a Nora Ephron film

Psycho as a love story

West Side Story as a horror/zombie flick

Groundhog Day as a vampire comedy

Back to the Future re-imagined in Brokeback Mountain style

Star Wars re-imagined in Brokeback Mountain style – with droids!

It’s amazing what editing and different music can accomplish. If I ever decide to get a hobby, this is how I’m spending my time.

End Blog.

Your Daily Vocab

I know you’re sick of these but I’ve finished the first section of reading I was given, so hopefully there won’t be more for a little while. Therefore, I thought I’d do this a little differently. First, I shall give you words I read today that I think should be used more often. Because I don’t hear them enough.

Cogently - forceful and convincing to the intellect and reason

Caveat - warning or proviso, something said as a warning, caution, or qualification

Unequivocal - allowing for no doubt or misinterpretation

Secondly, I will give you words that I didn’t know the meaning of and had to look up for curiosity’s sake.

Tincture - a solution of a plant product or chemical substance in alcohol

Crenated- with a scalloped edge or a surface with rounded projections

And finally… because 1.) I've never heard of two of these words, 2.) it’s really kinda gross when I just give you these three, and 3.) for a taste of the very weird reading I did today:

Scarlet - a bright red color tinged with orange

Puerperium - the period immediately after childbirth when the womb is returning to its normal size, lasting approximately six weeks

Lochial - the normal vaginal discharge of cell debris and blood after childbirth

I was going to end this blog with some sort of witty comment… but I don’t know how to follow up “normal vaginal discharge” with class.

End Blog.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Word of the Day

Ovine – Relating to or like a sheep.

Yes, I realize my job is somewhat odd. It's not my fault I run across things like this when I read. And if you must know, they were talking about an ovine bloodstain in the article. That just made it cooler, didn't it?

End Blog.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


Henry just turned over 10,000 miles today on the way home from work. I made sure to watch it happen since it was such an important milestone in his life. What a good car.

I’ve had him since May of 2004. That’s 10,000 miles in 21-ish months. That averages out to not even 500 miles a month. I hope he was feeling underused because now that I’m in KC, I’ll be doing a lot more driving than I did in DC.

For me, this is a good thing. I get to spend more time with Henry and less time with Metro. Let's outline all the wonderfulness to this situation.
- I never have to wait for Henry.
- Henry's never crowded.
- I get to sit down when I take Henry to work.
- Henry takes me directly to my destination. Walking several blocks is no longer involved.
- I can sing loudly and Henry doesn't care.
- No one is making me pay to park Henry anywhere anymore.
- It takes me less than 25 minutes to get to work.
- I will no longer have to complain about Metro.

The one and only bad thing? I can't read the paper on the way to work anymore. It's okay though. Driving is more fun than reading and current events anyway.

I love you, Henry.

End Blog.

Words I Should Know But Obviously Don’t

I’ve been doing a lot of reading of scientific journal articles at work and have come across words that I didn’t necessarily know… but apparently was supposed to. So, being a good criminologist, I looked them up. Not that I was utterly confused all day. I mean… I got the gist of the articles. Really.

Occult – Difficult to see, not visible to the naked eye, and only detectable by microscope or chemical testing.

Not as in supernatural, which was the only definition I knew previously.

Titer – Biochemistry: the concentration of an antibody determined by how much it is diluted before it no longer reacts positively to an antigen.

I figured this out due to context clues. But still… you’d think I’d have come across this word previously in my formal education.

Ungulate – Having hooves.

Okay, I knew this. I just couldn’t come up with what it meant at the time. There was a whole list of things – primates, marsupials, reptiles, birds… etc. I couldn’t decide if it was animals with hooves or mammals that lay eggs. --By the by, the egg laying ones are called monotremes.

And as an interesting side note, monotremes isn’t a word in Microsoft Word’s little spellchecker thingie, but it is in the built-in dictionary. Don’t you think those two things should somehow be linked? I do. How can it be spelled right and in the dictionary but not in the spellchecker? I always assumed they were one in the same. Apparently this is not true. I feel cheated.

And the red squiggly line is mocking my properly spelled word. Jerk.

Okay. Lesson for the day over.

End Blog.

Monday, March 13, 2006

As If There Was Any Doubt

You Are Dr. Pepper

You're very unique and funky, yet you still have a bit of traditionalism to you.
People who like you think they have great taste... and they usually do.

Your best soda match: Root Beer

Stay away from: 7 Up

Yep. I'd have been shocked if it came up with anything else. Then complained. Then taken it again.

But I didn't have to. Because I am a Pepper and this proves it. As if the 9 gallons of Dr Pepper I drink a week didn't. (Okay, that's not true. There's slightly over 10 cans in a gallon and I don't drink 90 a week. But you know... close.)

End Blog.


Today Alison berated me for not having an emergency kit prepared for bad weather. Therefore, everyone should go out and make such a kit. (This is her "public service announcement".) Apparently, there are four basics things that you MUST have.

1. A snack of some sort. Not only will it come in handy when you are hungry, but in a case where there are others in your same sheltered area, it will help you make friends.
2.Water. This one I understand.
3. A poncho. The reason for the poncho still escapes me. I believe there was talk about forming a tent out of it. I think this was for a situation in which you weren’t trapped in rubble.
4. A flashlight. I suppose it’s so you can find your way out of rubble…

Also, I have been informed that I need to hide money in my car for an emergency. Not for storms, per se, but other emergencies. Like, what if I break down and the tow truck doesn’t take credit cards? Although, I was not given an amount of how much money I need to hide in my car. It probably changes yearly with inflation rates.

Special note:
It’s always good to have duct tape and plastic with you. They are useful tools, although will help little in case of nuclear attack.

Excuse me… Did you just say Nuclear Attack!?

I think someone’s a little paranoid or has fed right into the distorted information that the government spreads and promotes.

Remember after September 11th? We were all to make our own emergency kits to protect ourselves from biological warfare. Same with Y2K and the “fact” that our infrastructure would totally and completely break down creating utter chaos. And now? The government won’t stop talking about the bird flu. Have you noticed that nothing ever comes from these “threats” that are talked about for months?

Wanna know a secret? Every flu starts with birds. Yes, that’s right. All of them.

The life cycle of all flu begins in birds. Some birds (like wild ducks) can serve as hosts for the virus, spreading it to other birds or farm animals without getting sick themselves. These viruses rarely pose a health risk to humans, but if they mutate into forms that can also infect people, the annual human flu cycle begins.

It happens EVERY YEAR. Each year we make a different vaccine for influenza based on what chickens have in China at the time. So, everyone, STOP FREAKING OUT ABOUT THE AVIAN FLU!

Wanna know why people are freaking out? Media. Spreading Propaganda.

Robert Webster, a world-renowned virologist at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, consultant to the World Health Organization and the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, has said this in regard to avian flu: "What should the average person do? The average person should be prepared to live in their family unit for three months. You have to have food, dried food, resources to live for 3 months in your unit. And so that's the maximum we can do."

And with all those titles, who wouldn’t believe him? It scares people. But you know what? No one listens when calm, sane scientists talk.

Dr. Dick Thompson, the World Health Organization spokesman on communicable diseases said, "It's very unusual that a virus with pandemic potential actually appear. So, that has us concerned from the beginning. But have we seen any change in the last two years that makes us think that this is on the edge of mutating into a pandemic strain? Definitely not."

And Professor Sir David King, chief scientific adviser to the British government and head of the Office of Science and Technology stated, "Your chances of winning the lottery are about one in 14 million. Your chances of catching bird flu are more like one in 100 million."

Chill out, people. Okay? And if you don’t freak out about the bird flu anymore, I’ll let you hide money in your car without rolling my eyes or beginning another tirade such as this.

End Blog.

Quiet Lightning

Yesterday I was introduced to Midwestern weather. I didn’t really think it was going to be that impressive. Eh, tornadoes. So what.

Dude, I was wrong.

It’s really rather impressive, if not a tiny bit frightening. We were under a tornado watch for most of the day yesterday and while most of the weather wasn’t anything to be worried about, there were several sporadic times where it changed suddenly and dramatically. Downpours, hail storms, rapid temperature changes.

But the thing that impressed me the most was the lightning. I’ve never seen so much lightning in one storm in my entire life. Big, impressive, cloud to cloud arcs and clouds lit up from behind. Pretty. Powerful. Majestic.

But quiet. None of the lightning was followed by thunder. It was something I didn’t understand. And none of my Midwestern friends could tell me why. Thankfully, I have the internet at my disposal and an unquenchable curiosity for randomness. Therefore, should you also wonder why there was all of that lightning without thunder; I am here to share the information.

It seems when lightning strikes, the air around it becomes extremely hot - so hot that the heat causes the air around it to expand rapidly. When the air heats up and expands, it creates a compression wave that propagates through the surrounding air for the first 10 yards. This compression wave then manifests itself in the form of a sound wave that decreases with distance. Ta-dah! Thunder.

We’ve been taught that sound travels much slower than light, so we see the flash of lightning before we hear the thunder. In air, sound travels roughly 1 mile every 4.5 seconds. Light travels at a blazing 186,000 miles per second.

It is impossible to have lightning without thunder, contrary to what I witnessed last night. Many people refer to this as “heat lightning”, although no such thing actually exists. If lightning is observed without thunder, the storm is simply more than 15 miles away. There is thunder… you’re just too far away to hear it.

Even if it looks like the storm is right on top of you, apparently.

And thus, this ends the science lesson for today.

End Blog.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

You Got Moxie, Kid

We went to Moxie’s tonight. I swindled Beth into playing pool with me so I could win and I drank a Bud Light. It wasn’t bad. Maybe some beer is okay. Then we ate dinner and found out it was trivia night. Daniel won the first round of “singles trivia” and then we were all put up against the rest of the people at the bar for the next round when it switched to teams. We won by half a point because Nick got us a partial bonus point for knowing that the actress in Coyote Ugly was Piper Perabo. (None of us knew the character’s name was Violet.) Each winning team member got a free shot of the bartender’s choosing.

He decided to make us all “leg spreaders”. They were deliciously scrumptious. We have no idea what was in them… but they were green and tasted like they contained coconut and pineapple. So the green might have been apple pucker or midori. It’s something worth looking into. Mmm. Anyway…

Good, fun night. I’m glad I decided to join them.

Although, if I ever tell this story again, it’ll be more like this: “Remember that time Piper Perabo got me a delicious leg spreader at the bar?”

Rock on.

End Blog.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Floorplan Spontaneously Changes: Concussion Ensues

Nikki, on her way out for the evening, turned off the overhead light in her bedroom and headed for the door. The apartment was dark, and having just looked up at the light as she pulled the brass cord, her eyes were far from adjusted to the conditions currently at hand. Fearless, having lived in her new apartment for several whole days now, she was confident she could maneuver out of the door and down the hall to the kitchen, where she planned on grabbing a Dr Pepper for the upcoming drive.

Stepping out of the room, she took a left, headed down the hallway, and


Nose, chin, and left knee hit the door all at the same time. Tears sprung to her eyes as confusion set in and she pulled her glasses off of her face in stupefied puzzlement. What had just happened?

There was pain, that much was clear.

And… oh, yes… Realization washed over her. The hall closet. Quite forgot she had one of those right there.

Do you realize how hard you have to smoosh your nose in for your chin to also hit the door when you run into it? And how you must have been going fast enough to follow through with your knee? Can you imagine what that looked like?

I can.

Yes. I’m a dumbass. And I’m sharing it with you.

It's three hours later and I still have a splitting headache, even after medication. All from running into a door. I have no excuse. I’m a dumbass. And it’s not even a lame cover-up for being a battered woman. I’m just that stupid.

But at least I didn’t break my nose. There’s luck I'll accomplish that on another day.

End Blog.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Words of Fun

I took a personality quiz online and decided to share it here because for once it seemed to really apply, almost in its entirety. I found out I’m an “Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiver” that’s commonly referred to as "The Gentle Artist".

Here’s what they had to say about me:

You are nature’s balm: the soothing presence who calms us when we are stressed, who reminds us of the delightful spontaneity of childhood, and who shows us how to appreciate nature and all living things. But as easily as you bring happiness to others, you can bring sadness to yourself when you fail to see your strengths, focusing only on your limitations.

Love for you is an all-or-nothing experience. Because you tend to shut out the rest of the world so you can experience love more fully, you can be vulnerable to the whims of your beloved. Devotion and flexibility are two of the most important qualities you, as a Gentle Artist, bring to a relationship. Your genuine and almost innocent expression of love can make the right person (and yourself as well) very happy. But you must make sure you have chosen a compatible mate, because once you fall in love, you are riding a roller coaster that is almost impossible to stop.

And what I’ve learned from this:

1. I need a dog to be able to appreciate nature more.
2. I need someone to point out my strengths when I fail to see them because I don’t want to be sad.
3. It’s a good thing I like roller coasters.

Speaking of roller coasters… I live a stone’s throw away from an amusement park. Seriously. I see roller coasters every time I leave my apartment complex. I’m getting a season pass. I wonder if this means anything for my love life.

End Blog.

Kansas City: Home of the Free


The word has many meanings: Not a prisoner, unrestricted, uncensored, self-ruled, not busy, unoccupied, single, unobstructed, giving readily, honest, uncontaminated, released from captivity, rid of burdens, unclogged…

Not Costing Anything.

So you’ve probably heard that there’s no such thing as a free lunch. And, as I’d come to learn living in the nation’s capital… no such thing as free… parking or laundry. You know, the sorts of things that we take for granted as not costing anything. But, to wash a load of clothes, I was paying $1.75 in quarters. And to dry a load of clothes I was paying $1.75 in quarters – Without the convenience of having a change machine provided for me. And, to park my car for 8 hours while I was at work, I was paying $8.00. But, I was lucky and it didn’t even have to be in quarters.

But, today, I remembered something. These things are free for mostly everyone and rightly should be.

Kansas City has free parking. Right there in the Plaza… all free. Not even a parking meter on the street. This is something I can stand behind. And today, in the comfort of my own apartment, I did two loads of laundry. And I didn’t have to put quarters in the machine.

Lo! I have found freedom! It name be Kansas City.

End Blog.