Crack Pot Olympics

I’m excited to watch the opening ceremonies of the Winter Games tonight. Because I like to marvel at how the people who created and choreographed it must have been on crack.

So, as I’m waiting for them to start, I’ve decided to start this blog so that I can give you a play by play. Now, as a person who is not on crack, it is likely I will not understand what the hell is going on. Crackheads, bear with me. Your world is strange and new and I only get a brief glimpse of it every other year.

It has commenced. I believe they’re showing me that the Olympics is like a giant flaming roller derby. Somehow. And it’s changed into a giant kidney. And the rocketeer made an appearance.

Then it started to snow and these men played the big Ricola horns and they called upon the giant walking, dancing Christmas trees. Which lead to dancing cows. Because cows get happy when the trees dance. Don't look at me like that. This is crackpot logic. You have to just go with it.

This must be top quality crack.

Why is there always lots of fire and ice used in the opening ceremonies? I’m just waiting for the ice to melt. Although, I do enjoy the contrast.

Okay, so we’ve changed over to silver clad, disco miners with lights strapped to their foreheads.

And… I… can’t even describe what’s going on. People are making a picture of a man ski jumping. He’s animated. I might have to say this is the coolest thing a crackhead’s ever done.

This is the coolest thing a crackhead’s ever done.

Okay, now this could get interesting. There’s scaffolding and many people tethered together. This is like a Madonna concert performance waiting to happen. And yet, it wasn’t. That was highly disappointing, my little druggies. All I got out of that was the Olympic rings. Maybe I’ve been to one too many Madonna concerts.

I suppose I can forgive them since my mind is still trying to wrap itself around the 900 people that made up one ski jumper. I think I had a flashback to drill writing in marching band and my head exploded. I’m pretty sure my drill would have been even better had I known about the power crack had on the final product.

So, let’s recap: in the crackhead’s mind, this is what the Winter Olympics means to us – It’s a flaming roller derby with dancing trees and cows, lots of fire, miners – possibly to supply the fires, and ski jumping. The Winter Olympics is all about ski jumping.

Good to know.

And the countdown begins… two more years until I get to see top quality entertainment on crack again.

End Blog.