Your Bumper Sticker Should Be |
 "I've made smarter things than you by eating fiber" |
Hehe. It's probably true for some.
End Blog.
Posts
Hello world!
7 years ago
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Too Funny Not To Post
Hehe. It's probably true for some.
End Blog.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Ren Fest Drunken Antics
Soooo... maybe this is where all my brain cells went.
But, c'mon. Don't I look like I'm enjoying myself with my new swine friend? They actually had to tell me to look up in this picture because I was speaking to him.
His name is Hamlet. He likes beer.
End Blog.
I'm a Genius!
Now, let me tell you about my morning.
My hair was unruly because I showered last night and slept on it wet. After deciding I didn't have enough time to make it look normal, I pulled it into a ponytail and sat down at my computer. Because, if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that I can't leave my apartment in the morning without changing an away message and checking my email. It's a sickness, I know. I'm severely addicted to online life. I've come to terms with it. You should too.
This morning required that I reply to an email quickly and then I headed out of the door with two blockbuster videos I needed to drop off in the mail. On the way to the car I realized that, indeed, I hadn't left the house on Sunday like I thought I was going to, so in turn, I hadn't filled my gas tank. So, now I have mail and gas to take care of, which was probably going to be pushing the limits of arriving at work on time.
I briefly entertained the idea of not dropping off the mail, but decided that it really wasn't going to take me that much longer. So, I headed to the mailbox at the leasing office, parked my car, and ran to the box to toss them in. I've done this many times. I always park in the same spot and I always leave my car running. One thing I've never done, however, is somehow manage to lock my doors in the process.
I get back to my car, pull the handle, and stare at the door when it doesn't open. Locked? It's locked? How could it possibly be locked? I tried another door. And another. And another. Then I tried the back hatch just to be certain. All locked. I'm still not sure how it happened. I must have bumped the keyless entry pad sometime after entering the vehicle. Regardless… I was now stuck with locked running car and no keys to my apartment to get the spare for my car.
I had a dilemma on my hands. And to top it off, the car was running on fumes. The gas light was already on and the needle was on E. So, if I didn't somehow beat the clock, I was going to be stuck with a car that was out of gas as well. There was really no telling how much gas was left in there.
So, I called Daniel and asked if I could screw up his morning so he could bring me the spare key to my back door. And, sweetheart that he is, he agreed. In the meantime, I ran back to my apartment, on the weird off-chance that somehow my door was miraculously unlocked. I checked the main door. Locked. As I knew it should be because I locked it five minutes earlier. Then I checked the back door. And the knob turned and the door opened.
Thank goodness! I immediately called Dan and let him know he didn't have to come save my morning and then I got my spare key and left the way I came. And I ran all the way back to my car.
Now, you may be wondering the same thing that I am… why, exactly was my back door open? And how long do you think it's been this way? I hardly ever use that door. But, I didn't think ahead enough to find my other spare key and lock my back door while I was leaving, either. So, it was open all day. I felt a little bad about that, but I also realized that it could have been like that every day for the past month…
Anyway, I ran back to the car and went to the gas station. I was sweaty and my heart was pounding. I'm like, SO out of shape. I contemplated taking up the treadmill. I still think that might be a good idea. I also think I should hide random keys all over the fricken place.
So, I currently have 10 minutes to get to work. Realizing that's impossible, even if I had a flying car, I come to terms with being late. Sort of. I filled my tank (highlight of the day, gas was $2.29 a gallon – eat that DC!) and headed to work. I ran 4 yellow lights and arrived about 15 minutes late. I walked in at the same time as one of my coworkers. So, I guess it wasn't all bad.
Later at work, when I was resealing a bag of evidence, I forgot to put all of it back in the bag before closing it up. So, I had to open it again, in a new spot, and reseal the darn thing again.
I seriously think I may have misplaced my brain. If you find it, please send it home.
To make up for this morning fiasco, I took myself to Chipotle for lunch.
I've come to find that Chipotle makes just about everything better.
I think I'll go lock my back door. Although, the randomness that it was open this morning was such a time saver.
I hope that karma balanced out in the world and someone had a really remarkable day. And if the person having a bad day gets to determine who gets the good one, I had the perfect individual in mind this morning. So, I hope that worked out well for her.
End Blog.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Shawnee Mission
"Shawnee Mission KIA, just a short drive. Shawnee Mission Parkway and I-35."
I know that for all of you who don't actually live in KC and listen to the radio here, that you don't understand this. But every time I hear "Shawnee Mission" this commercial jingle pops into my head.
Last night I drove through Shawnee Mission on I-35 and was disappointed to find that you can't actually see the KIA dealer from the highway. You can, however, see a myriad of other dealerships. Like Jaguars and BMWs. Things you wouldn't associate with KIA's at all. So, I suppose this is why they need an annoying jingle that you'll remember.
But man... I'd really like to be able to hear the name of that town without singing that.
End Blog.
I know that for all of you who don't actually live in KC and listen to the radio here, that you don't understand this. But every time I hear "Shawnee Mission" this commercial jingle pops into my head.
Last night I drove through Shawnee Mission on I-35 and was disappointed to find that you can't actually see the KIA dealer from the highway. You can, however, see a myriad of other dealerships. Like Jaguars and BMWs. Things you wouldn't associate with KIA's at all. So, I suppose this is why they need an annoying jingle that you'll remember.
But man... I'd really like to be able to hear the name of that town without singing that.
End Blog.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
No! I Tried To Move Away From You!
Blech. I just found out Bush will be in Kansas City on Friday.
Something about raising money for Senator Jim Talent’s re-election. Booooooo. Can't they do this in the capital or something? Hang out in Jeff City for a bit? No, too small? How about STL?
Sigh. Well, if I can't stop it, then I shall take this opportunity to say: Vote for Democratic challenger Claire McCaskill! I base this solely on her supportive position for stem cell research. Yes, I'm uninformed about all the other issues, and I can vote. I'm an American, damnit!
Oh, and this is the only time you'll ever see me post something with "Bush" and "talent" together.
End Blog.
AH! Edited to add:
On Saturday former President Bill Clinton travels to St. Louis to speak at a fundraising brunch for Claire McCaskill. So, are you telling me I finally made it to MO and moved to the red city instead of the blue one?
Damn.
Something about raising money for Senator Jim Talent’s re-election. Booooooo. Can't they do this in the capital or something? Hang out in Jeff City for a bit? No, too small? How about STL?
Sigh. Well, if I can't stop it, then I shall take this opportunity to say: Vote for Democratic challenger Claire McCaskill! I base this solely on her supportive position for stem cell research. Yes, I'm uninformed about all the other issues, and I can vote. I'm an American, damnit!
Oh, and this is the only time you'll ever see me post something with "Bush" and "talent" together.
End Blog.
AH! Edited to add:
On Saturday former President Bill Clinton travels to St. Louis to speak at a fundraising brunch for Claire McCaskill. So, are you telling me I finally made it to MO and moved to the red city instead of the blue one?
Damn.
Newsworthy?
For some unknown reason there was a photographer from the Kansas City Star at the Lee's Summit Hospital this evening while I was taking my first aid training class. He took my picture as Kelly wrapped my "wound" with a pressure bandage. I signed something saying they could use my likeness. I gave them my social security number.
And I have no idea why.
So... I might be in the paper. For some reason.
I don't get the paper so I'll probably never know if I make an appearance there. But... odd, no?
The good news is I'm now certified to administer first aid for the next three years. Although, first aid is not CPR. That's a whole different class. And, as it turns out, you don't even have to do the breathing part anymore so I'm sure that class is rather boring.
Anyway - if you get the paper, keep a lookout for my mug. I'll be the one on the left all bandaged up and probably laughing.
End Blog.
And I have no idea why.
So... I might be in the paper. For some reason.
I don't get the paper so I'll probably never know if I make an appearance there. But... odd, no?
The good news is I'm now certified to administer first aid for the next three years. Although, first aid is not CPR. That's a whole different class. And, as it turns out, you don't even have to do the breathing part anymore so I'm sure that class is rather boring.
Anyway - if you get the paper, keep a lookout for my mug. I'll be the one on the left all bandaged up and probably laughing.
End Blog.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
The Weekly Blogthings You All Love
| You Are a Life Blogger! |
 Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary. If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible. |
No kidding,eh? I figured we start small.
| You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament |
 Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace. You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions. You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional. You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others. While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well. At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything. You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams. You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment. |
Phlegmatic?
adjective
1: resembling, consisting of, or producing the humor phlegm
2: having or showing a slow and stolid temperament
Phlegm -
noun
1: inactivity; showing an unusual lack of energy
2: apathy demonstrated by an absence of emotional reactions
Well, that was educational, now, wasn't it?
| Your Observation Skills Get An A- |
 Hardly anything gets by you... You have a great memory and eagle eyes |
Dude, I'm also a really really good guesser. I love multiple choice tests.
| Your Kissing Purity Score: 46% Pure |
 You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well. |
Less pure than you thought!
| Your Quirk Factor: 62% |
 You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal. No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average." |
I only put this one up because the picture is so damn awesome.
| You Are a Natural Flirt |
 Believe it or not, you're a really effective flirt. And you're so good, you hardly notice that you're flirting. Your attitude and confidence make you a natural flirt. And the fact that you don't know it is just that more attractive! |
Um... yeah, I don't believe it. Effective? Doubtful. Although the hardly noticing part is probably true.
| You Are Most Like John F. Kennedy |
 You live a fairy tale life that most people envy. And while you may have a few dark secrets, few people know them. |
Woo! Dark Secrets!
| You Are: 90% Dog, 10% Cat |
 You're a dog at heart - and it's not a bad thing at all! You love unconditionally, and you're extremely loyal. And while you may act silly at times, you're really quite smart - and a good learner! |
No kidding. This is why I get along so well with them. Mostly likely I was seperated from my litter at birth.
| You Passed 8th Grade Math |
 Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct! |
All with my own noggin, too. Even though the calculator is handy and I use it to add and subtract in my checkbook.
| You Passed 8th Grade Science |
 Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct! |
Although the person who MADE this test couldn't have passed 8th grade science, since they don't know the difference between a neuron and a neutron. Do I get extra geek points for knowing that they're not all that bright?
| Your Political Profile: |
| Overall: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal |
| Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal |
| Personal Responsibility: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal |
| Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal |
| Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal |
| Defense and Crime: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal |
Heh... Defense and crime - 75% conservative. Guess we know who I work for, now, don't we?
You know you love these.
*hangs head*
I really shouldn't be allowed online some nights.
End Blog.
The Magic of Beer
Here’s what I remember of the Renaissance Festival: It was magic.
Now, considering the combination of a giant turkey leg, a jousting match, a fire eater, an actual magician, talking to random street characters and consuming three beers… I’m sure that really all I needed was the three beers to make the above statement.
I had remained relatively sober all weekend – partially because I thought people might need my help driving (and I’m such an upstanding citizen), and partially because I was on call and hoping something would happen that would require my considerable lack of forensic expertise. The second didn’t happen, although I was a fantastic driver both Friday and Sunday nights. (Saturday was spent at home without alcohol as well.)
So, considering that I don’t drink all that often and am by nature a lightweight… well, three beers and I was way more drunk than I had any right to be. It was kind of surprising how bad it got so quickly.
Man, I had such a good time.
And Beth, thank you for not letting me fall over my own feet and take a header into the wooden benches. You’re a peach.
Although, this does make one wonder if the Ren Fest would have been just as entertaining without alcohol. I seem to think not.
The only disappointment is that we never ran into the schizophrenic narcoleptic. Maybe she had fallen asleep somewhere.
If I can get the Andersons to email me pictures, I might let you see them if they’re not too embarrassing. I’m pretty sure there’s a good one of me offering some of my beer to a stone pig. (Huzzah, Beer!)
Yeah, you read that right.
End Blog.
Now, considering the combination of a giant turkey leg, a jousting match, a fire eater, an actual magician, talking to random street characters and consuming three beers… I’m sure that really all I needed was the three beers to make the above statement.
I had remained relatively sober all weekend – partially because I thought people might need my help driving (and I’m such an upstanding citizen), and partially because I was on call and hoping something would happen that would require my considerable lack of forensic expertise. The second didn’t happen, although I was a fantastic driver both Friday and Sunday nights. (Saturday was spent at home without alcohol as well.)
So, considering that I don’t drink all that often and am by nature a lightweight… well, three beers and I was way more drunk than I had any right to be. It was kind of surprising how bad it got so quickly.
Man, I had such a good time.
And Beth, thank you for not letting me fall over my own feet and take a header into the wooden benches. You’re a peach.
Although, this does make one wonder if the Ren Fest would have been just as entertaining without alcohol. I seem to think not.
The only disappointment is that we never ran into the schizophrenic narcoleptic. Maybe she had fallen asleep somewhere.
If I can get the Andersons to email me pictures, I might let you see them if they’re not too embarrassing. I’m pretty sure there’s a good one of me offering some of my beer to a stone pig. (Huzzah, Beer!)
Yeah, you read that right.
End Blog.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Alumni News
So, they've finally started construction on my old undergrad science building, well loved Garber. Ah, the mornings I would roll out of bed and walk across the street to class… and right up this sidewalk.
What sidewalk? Yes. Exactly. There used to be one there. In fact, see this here area that's all torn to pieces? I once had to pretend to be a squirrel here for a demonstration on competition in my Animal Behavior class. We were searching for peanuts. I loved Dr. Goodman so much.
Speaking of Animal Behavior... that was held in room 224. Ah, beloved 224. The hottest room in Garber, and the most hidden, tiny, cozy place to have class. Poor 224. Of course, Senior Seminar was here too, so I don't feel so bad about them ripping the place down.
And then there is 204 - the classroom that I think I had every single psych class in.
Look at what's happened! It kinda makes me sick. I loved this place and it's dingy-dirty-horribly lit corridors.
Oh, and they are making a huge change that I can't agree with. They're putting windows into the science building! Since when have scientists ever needed sunlight?
Oh, the many days I walked into lab while the sun was out and been completely shocked stepping out of the building into the darkness of night. One good thing about not having windows? No distractions. Don't give college students windows. They'll look out of them! Especially if it's a nice day. It's a mistake, people. I don't know why you don't listen to me.
Windows! In physics class? This should never be. Wrong wrong wrong. Bad planing. You'll rue the day, LVC!
Oh, my poor, poor building. I know it's for the best, but I hate seeing it like this. And even though it's being renamed with the weird hyphenate-Garber, I'll still only ever call it Garber.
It's sad to know that the psychology department has long since moved from the building. I spent many a happy classroom experience in psych. I wonder what's been going on in this room without them this whole time...
(I'm pretty sure this is still 204, but they kinda all look similar now that they're trashed.) I can almost see Manza standing in here teaching over the rubble.
Really makes me wonder where the heck classes and labs are being held right now though. I mean, we don't have any other suitable place for any of the labs. I suppose you could teach the big o-chem and genetics classes in Chapel, and the smaller lectures anywhere else... but where are they holding labs? WHERE!?
'Cause it's not here.
How crazy is my love for LVC now that I'm gone? I just found out we're ranked in the top 2% in alumni giving in US News. I'm sure they must somehow brainwash us all at graduation with this overwhelming sense of goodness that came from the place, because I didn't love it this much while I was there.
We did surely get a quality education though.
They hired a new visiting assitant professor in the psych department. I don't care what she's teaching, if I were there I'd take her class. She's British. How much fun would an accent be! Well, I mean one that wasn't Cullari's. It took me a little while to figure out what the heck he was saying... though I did finally figure it out. Though, it wasn't so much his accent as his tendency to mumble, I suppose.
Oh, man... it's still plaguing me.
Where are labs being held? Why don't I still know anyone at LVC so I can ask them?
Oh... right... because I graduated from there in 2003 and any freshmen I knew from that time period just graduated last year! I'm getting so old.
Oh, hey, the colloquium this year is "Democracy and its Discontents". I'd so love to go to anything they're putting on. Sadly, as a freshmen, I bet I would have cared less. In fact, I know I would have. Because my colloquium was about gender issues, if I remember correctly, and I only attended the mandatory three that were required of me. And now, I'd really love to go to them. I really didn't take advantage of college. There's so much learning you can do there! Who knew?
Oh, oh... I feel that I'm about to burst into the alma mater!
To Thee dear Alma Mater, this ringing song we raise
A song that's fraught with gladness, a song that's filled with praise
We cannot help but love Thee, our hearts are full and free
Full well we know the debt we owe, to dear old LVC!
Mostly people only sang the last line.
Sigh. Maybe I should pay my student loan bill.
End Blog.
What sidewalk? Yes. Exactly. There used to be one there. In fact, see this here area that's all torn to pieces? I once had to pretend to be a squirrel here for a demonstration on competition in my Animal Behavior class. We were searching for peanuts. I loved Dr. Goodman so much.
Speaking of Animal Behavior... that was held in room 224. Ah, beloved 224. The hottest room in Garber, and the most hidden, tiny, cozy place to have class. Poor 224. Of course, Senior Seminar was here too, so I don't feel so bad about them ripping the place down.
And then there is 204 - the classroom that I think I had every single psych class in.
Look at what's happened! It kinda makes me sick. I loved this place and it's dingy-dirty-horribly lit corridors.
Oh, and they are making a huge change that I can't agree with. They're putting windows into the science building! Since when have scientists ever needed sunlight?
Oh, the many days I walked into lab while the sun was out and been completely shocked stepping out of the building into the darkness of night. One good thing about not having windows? No distractions. Don't give college students windows. They'll look out of them! Especially if it's a nice day. It's a mistake, people. I don't know why you don't listen to me.
Windows! In physics class? This should never be. Wrong wrong wrong. Bad planing. You'll rue the day, LVC!
Oh, my poor, poor building. I know it's for the best, but I hate seeing it like this. And even though it's being renamed with the weird hyphenate-Garber, I'll still only ever call it Garber.
It's sad to know that the psychology department has long since moved from the building. I spent many a happy classroom experience in psych. I wonder what's been going on in this room without them this whole time...
(I'm pretty sure this is still 204, but they kinda all look similar now that they're trashed.) I can almost see Manza standing in here teaching over the rubble.
Really makes me wonder where the heck classes and labs are being held right now though. I mean, we don't have any other suitable place for any of the labs. I suppose you could teach the big o-chem and genetics classes in Chapel, and the smaller lectures anywhere else... but where are they holding labs? WHERE!?
'Cause it's not here.
How crazy is my love for LVC now that I'm gone? I just found out we're ranked in the top 2% in alumni giving in US News. I'm sure they must somehow brainwash us all at graduation with this overwhelming sense of goodness that came from the place, because I didn't love it this much while I was there.
We did surely get a quality education though.
They hired a new visiting assitant professor in the psych department. I don't care what she's teaching, if I were there I'd take her class. She's British. How much fun would an accent be! Well, I mean one that wasn't Cullari's. It took me a little while to figure out what the heck he was saying... though I did finally figure it out. Though, it wasn't so much his accent as his tendency to mumble, I suppose.
Oh, man... it's still plaguing me.
Where are labs being held? Why don't I still know anyone at LVC so I can ask them?
Oh... right... because I graduated from there in 2003 and any freshmen I knew from that time period just graduated last year! I'm getting so old.
Oh, hey, the colloquium this year is "Democracy and its Discontents". I'd so love to go to anything they're putting on. Sadly, as a freshmen, I bet I would have cared less. In fact, I know I would have. Because my colloquium was about gender issues, if I remember correctly, and I only attended the mandatory three that were required of me. And now, I'd really love to go to them. I really didn't take advantage of college. There's so much learning you can do there! Who knew?
Oh, oh... I feel that I'm about to burst into the alma mater!
To Thee dear Alma Mater, this ringing song we raise
A song that's fraught with gladness, a song that's filled with praise
We cannot help but love Thee, our hearts are full and free
Full well we know the debt we owe, to dear old LVC!
Mostly people only sang the last line.
Sigh. Maybe I should pay my student loan bill.
End Blog.
Something I Could Live Without
As I sat down in the bathroom, I noticed a bug of some sort crawling along my pajama pants. I jumped, brushed it away, and grabbed some toilet paper to smoosh it into the floor and kill it - but good. And when I reached for said toliet paper, I found a giant spider sitting on the side of the bathroom counter sink, inches away from me and my toilet paper.
All the while I'm sitting there on my toilet, in the midst of peeing. Which, I found, is something that doesn't stop when you're surrounded by insects and totally freaked out.
This is not my idea of a good way to head to bed.
Now my heart's all fast and quick from the jumpiness. You can't sleep like that.
There's just something about things that creep you out while you're vulnerable like that... I mean, it was a hard choice. Finish peeing or get the hell away from it? Then regaining muscle control to actually perform one of those tasks.
I know it sounds like I'm living in a shit hole. That's not the case. There are just... bugs here. And even the idea of a roommate who will kill them for me wouldn't have worked in this situation. Because how many times can you actually get your roommate to pee with you?
Never.
On the bright side, this is the first spider I've seen since I talked to the apartment management. But, also the first other weird random bug...
(I never thought I'd post a blog about peeing. Or one that had the word 'toilet' in it so many times. What is my life coming to?)
End Blog.
All the while I'm sitting there on my toilet, in the midst of peeing. Which, I found, is something that doesn't stop when you're surrounded by insects and totally freaked out.
This is not my idea of a good way to head to bed.
Now my heart's all fast and quick from the jumpiness. You can't sleep like that.
There's just something about things that creep you out while you're vulnerable like that... I mean, it was a hard choice. Finish peeing or get the hell away from it? Then regaining muscle control to actually perform one of those tasks.
I know it sounds like I'm living in a shit hole. That's not the case. There are just... bugs here. And even the idea of a roommate who will kill them for me wouldn't have worked in this situation. Because how many times can you actually get your roommate to pee with you?
Never.
On the bright side, this is the first spider I've seen since I talked to the apartment management. But, also the first other weird random bug...
(I never thought I'd post a blog about peeing. Or one that had the word 'toilet' in it so many times. What is my life coming to?)
End Blog.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Weeds
So, I rented season one and watched it. It was enjoyable and I figured it was something I'd continue to watch on a "this show is pretty cool" basis. That is, until the final episode of season one.
It had a wonderful holy-shit! cliffhanger ending. I gasped in shock.
It had a wonderful holy-shit! cliffhanger ending. I gasped in shock.
Then, I immediately downloaded what's been aired of season two. So far the second season's better than the first.
This is great TV. You should watch it. Congratulations, Showtime. You've got a winner on your hands and a big fan in me. I'm enjoying the crazy things you keep throwing at this woman.
I also like how random Andy gets when he's high – "I'm so glad our last name isn't Drew. Because then you'd be Nancy Drew and I'd be Andrew Drew." (Makes me laugh. But trust me, not the greatest dialogue to use as an example.)
Kevin Nealon and Elizabeth Perkins are great in this. And so is Mary-Louise Parker. I'd say more wonderful things, but I don't want to spoil anything else in case you decide to watch. (Which you should.)
Oh, also, the music is brilliant. I want to hug whoever is doing the music. (Not like that other Showtime show.)
Sadly, I've seen all there is to see right now and I have to wait for more episodes to air – or be leaked to the internet. Marathons of shows are so evil. Serial dramas like this should air daily. I got too invested too quickly and now I might be going through withdrawal.
TV: My Anti-drug.
End Blog.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Seven Random Actresses
Guess who I saw on TV for the first time in ages while watching the Emmys tonight. That's right, Gillian Anderson! Who knew that she hadn't fallen off the face of the planet? Sadly, she's been doing these weird period pieces that I have absolutely no interest in. I hate watching people in big huge dresses and corsets. Anyway, she was nominated for Bleak House, this miniseries about the injustices of the 19th century English legal system. Bleck. Totally not watching that. Even the name sounds like it's something awful. Gilly, I miss you, but not that much. As a side note, I like your real hair color.
This also seems like a lovely time to bring up Mariska Hargitay. Now, I know this is hard to believe, but I don't watch any of the Law & Orders. I doubt I ever will. But from the few moments I've actually caught her on TV, I really like her. And I'm totally psyched that she beat out Kyra Sedgwick for outstanding lead actress in a drama series.
And speaking of actresses I can't stand…
I'm thinking about going to see The Black Dahlia when it comes out just so I can see Mia Kirshner in a role that I know I'll like her in: that of a corpse. I'm still wondering how Showtime let The L Word kill off their most endearing character while Jenny remains on the canvas. Man, I hate Jenny. Which, in turn, has soured me towards Mia Kirshner in general. (Much like Sedgwick. Anyone even know what else she's done?) But also, Hillary Swank is in that movie, and we know that everything she touches turns to gold. I mean, I even liked The Next Karate Kid. Did you see 11:14? Because you should. I love movies like that. (Okay, you're right. For a second there I forgot about The Core. So maybe not everything she touches…)
Oh, hey, speaking of Showtime series, I just started watching Weeds with Mary-Louise Parker and Elizabeth Perkins. From what I've seen so far, it's quality. I'll probably rent the second disc this week and finish the series, then look into acquiring season two as its aired – whenever that may be. I'll have to do some research on the matter. (Sweet! I just looked it up, the second season's just started, we're three episodes in.) It's a bummer that I don't have Showtime, but I'm already paying like 85 bucks for my cable and internet access, and I don't even watch TV as much as I used to.
I got side tracked… this was just going to be about the Emmys. Oh well… I guess that's what you get during these unplanned stream of consciousness posts.
(I swear I just heard the TV play a Wachovia commercial.
I need to stop typing or I might ramble forever.
End Blog.
Hey, Christian Fundamentalists!
Look over here! I just found out something really interesting.
You have Bible references for everything - little tidbits of information on all sorts of things... like why stem cell research is bad, and abortions are wrong, and how marriage is only between one man and one woman...
Well, I got news for you!
Have you read Leviticus 19:19 recently? No?
Well, here you go, I won't make you look it up on your own.
"Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with two kinds of seed: neither shall there come upon thee a garment of two kinds of stuff mingled together."
You better go throw out all of your blended fabrics right now.
Ya damn sinners!
End Blog.
You have Bible references for everything - little tidbits of information on all sorts of things... like why stem cell research is bad, and abortions are wrong, and how marriage is only between one man and one woman...
Well, I got news for you!
Have you read Leviticus 19:19 recently? No?
Well, here you go, I won't make you look it up on your own.
"Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with two kinds of seed: neither shall there come upon thee a garment of two kinds of stuff mingled together."
You better go throw out all of your blended fabrics right now.
Ya damn sinners!
End Blog.
Pluto's Out
Recently astronomers decided to boot Pluto from our solar system and downgrade its status as an official planet. I was saddened by this news until today when I realized something extraordinary.
This is totally gonna fuck with astrologers.
And what's more fun than that?
End Blog.
This is totally gonna fuck with astrologers.
And what's more fun than that?
End Blog.
Friday, August 25, 2006
A Profile of My Very Own
Today I found out that my DNA's finally been run at the lab in case I end up contaminating anything. I'll be entered into CODIS sometime soon. Woo!
Once I found this out, and being the total geek that I am, I asked to look at my profile. Then we did the statistical calculations to see how unique I am. Ready for it? Ready?
I don't think you're ready.
You don't look ready. You should prepare for this. I'll give you 30 seconds.
*Plays the Jeopardy Theme*
My profile appears in one out of every 3.722 quintillion individuals. (There aren't even that many people on the planet.)
That's 1 in 3,722,000,000,000,000,000 people!
I know that you're probably just as interested as I am... So, here it is, folks:
Pretty, ain't it?
If you look closely, you'll notice that three of the same loci were duplicated. These are internal controls to make sure things are copasetic. There are thirteen loci tested (plus the amelogenin - for sex determination) between the cofiler and profiler plus systems. This is the standard that law enforcement uses.
Spiffy. Now all my illegitimate children can find me.
Wait a minute...
End Blog.
Once I found this out, and being the total geek that I am, I asked to look at my profile. Then we did the statistical calculations to see how unique I am. Ready for it? Ready?
I don't think you're ready.
You don't look ready. You should prepare for this. I'll give you 30 seconds.
*Plays the Jeopardy Theme*
My profile appears in one out of every 3.722 quintillion individuals. (There aren't even that many people on the planet.)
That's 1 in 3,722,000,000,000,000,000 people!
I know that you're probably just as interested as I am... So, here it is, folks:
Pretty, ain't it?
If you look closely, you'll notice that three of the same loci were duplicated. These are internal controls to make sure things are copasetic. There are thirteen loci tested (plus the amelogenin - for sex determination) between the cofiler and profiler plus systems. This is the standard that law enforcement uses.
Spiffy. Now all my illegitimate children can find me.
Wait a minute...
End Blog.
Hateful Generalizations
Today must be a statewide holiday for everyone with a Missouri license plate. They get to make stupid decisions, drive recklessly, and have accidents all over the road, causing slow traffic and requiring police attention. What a fun, fun day!
People on the roads annoyed me both going to and driving home from work today. So, for everyone's education, let's go over some basic rules of the road.
1. When it's raining and you have your windshield wipers on, TURN ON YOUR FREAKIN' HEADLIGHTS.
2. When it's pouring, slow down. Just a little bit. Please?
3. When it's barely drizzling, you don't need to slow it down to 30mph. The highway minimum is 40. That means all the time.
4. Please, control your temper on the road. Yes, that asshole in front of you is doing 30mph, but you swerving around him and speeding off down the road only ends in tragedy. Like when you lose control of your brand new Mustang on the slick roads and cross the muddy median into oncoming highway traffic. Which only causes more traffic and rubberneckers and a ruined Mustang.
You have insane thunderstorms here all the time. Why the hell don't you know how to drive in the rain? I'm not looking forward to the winter snowy months. It's amazing that all of you are not dead by now.
(PS - To the man in the black Taurus that I let merge into my lane: I'm not talking to you. You were very polite and friendly and patient and safe. And, you're welcome... but you didn't need to wave thanks three separate times. And I could see your hand through the window, so you needn't have put it down to wave as well.)
End Blog.
People on the roads annoyed me both going to and driving home from work today. So, for everyone's education, let's go over some basic rules of the road.
1. When it's raining and you have your windshield wipers on, TURN ON YOUR FREAKIN' HEADLIGHTS.
2. When it's pouring, slow down. Just a little bit. Please?
3. When it's barely drizzling, you don't need to slow it down to 30mph. The highway minimum is 40. That means all the time.
4. Please, control your temper on the road. Yes, that asshole in front of you is doing 30mph, but you swerving around him and speeding off down the road only ends in tragedy. Like when you lose control of your brand new Mustang on the slick roads and cross the muddy median into oncoming highway traffic. Which only causes more traffic and rubberneckers and a ruined Mustang.
You have insane thunderstorms here all the time. Why the hell don't you know how to drive in the rain? I'm not looking forward to the winter snowy months. It's amazing that all of you are not dead by now.
(PS - To the man in the black Taurus that I let merge into my lane: I'm not talking to you. You were very polite and friendly and patient and safe. And, you're welcome... but you didn't need to wave thanks three separate times. And I could see your hand through the window, so you needn't have put it down to wave as well.)
End Blog.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
More Random Blogthings
Yep, I'm that bored again.
Hey! I'd get to hang out with Beaker all the time. I love that li'l guy.
Hey! I actually have a pair of orange underwear. I didn't know they were lucky. Maybe I should wear them more.
Huh... pretty good for a girl who hated history. I didn't know what year the Constitution was written. (But at least we know I'm not Mexican now.)
You Are Dr. Bunsen Honeydew |
 You take the title "mad scientist" to the extreme -with very scary things coming out of your lab. And you've invented some pretty cool things, from a banana sharpener to a robot politician. But while you're busy turning gold into cottage cheese, you need to watch out for poor little Beaker! "Oh, that's very naughty, Beaker! Now you eat these paper clips this minute." |
Hey! I'd get to hang out with Beaker all the time. I love that li'l guy.
Your Lucky Underwear is Orange |
 You have an intense personality and crave extreme emotional experiences. And your lucky orange underwear will help you take it to a whole new level. Adventure and danger don't phase you - in fact you enjoy dicey situations. You're the first to take a risk, and the first to get the payoff. And while your risks sometimes result in great rewards, they also sometimes result in devastating failures. If you want to have intense moments without always risking all you have, put on your orange underpants. They'll help you experience life with rich emotions, no matter what you're doing. |
Hey! I actually have a pair of orange underwear. I didn't know they were lucky. Maybe I should wear them more.
Your Penis Name Is... |
 |
Hey! I actually don't have a penis. ¿Pero es muy divertido, no?
You Are Mexican Food |
 Spicy yet dependable. You pull punches, but people still love you. |
That probably explains my penis's name, eh?
You Passed the US Citizenship Test |
 Congratulations - you got 9 out of 10 correct! |
Huh... pretty good for a girl who hated history. I didn't know what year the Constitution was written. (But at least we know I'm not Mexican now.)
End Blog.
Who Ya Gonna Call?
Spider-Busters!
I talked to the building management people after work. They're sending over exterminators for my spider issue. Although, it'll only help the situation, not solve it... "Living on the ground floor at this time of year..." blah, blah, I don't care. Knowing that they're coming gives me peace of mind.
I freak out when things move in the corner of my eyesight - even when it's a reflection of the ceiling fan on a glossy surface, or myself in the mirror in my bedroom.
I should have asked them about their dog policy and if it's changed, but she was getting ready to show an apartment and I didn't really need to take up any more of her time. I just wanted less spiders. Hopefully I'll have that soon.
I haven't killed one today. But... the night is still young.
End Blog.
I talked to the building management people after work. They're sending over exterminators for my spider issue. Although, it'll only help the situation, not solve it... "Living on the ground floor at this time of year..." blah, blah, I don't care. Knowing that they're coming gives me peace of mind.
I freak out when things move in the corner of my eyesight - even when it's a reflection of the ceiling fan on a glossy surface, or myself in the mirror in my bedroom.
I should have asked them about their dog policy and if it's changed, but she was getting ready to show an apartment and I didn't really need to take up any more of her time. I just wanted less spiders. Hopefully I'll have that soon.
I haven't killed one today. But... the night is still young.
End Blog.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Eight Legged Freaks
Someone should have warned me that there are 400 billion spiders in Missouri before I moved here. Maybe I wouldn't have come. (Yes, that's how many live here with me. I'm not exaggerating when I say this – I've killed a spider every day for four consecutive days. I even dreamt about spiders last night.)
I am so sick of being freaked out by damn spiders every day. I do not like them. I can not live with them in harmony. Yet, I hate killing them simply because you have to get close to them to do it. Yes, in this area, I'm the worst "girl" you'll ever meet. I hate them. Hate hate hate.
In addition, they can get away from you and hide so thoroughly that you can't find them… and you know they are there, just lying in wait, so they can kill you in your sleep.
One got away from me this evening. I do not like that fact. (It also broke my daily killing streak.)
On a brighter note, the spider web that was built in the corner my bathroom has caught one of my own hairs and a white feather, presumably from the down comforter I use. The spider that has been in residence there has disappeared. I'm hoping he starved to death, but I'm sure that didn't happen. I think that instead, a larger spider living in my apartment probably ate him.
I know I'm next on the menu.
I've had a conversation with my spider plant, Mr. Spidey. He's not interested in protecting me. Damn useless plant.
End Blog.
I am so sick of being freaked out by damn spiders every day. I do not like them. I can not live with them in harmony. Yet, I hate killing them simply because you have to get close to them to do it. Yes, in this area, I'm the worst "girl" you'll ever meet. I hate them. Hate hate hate.
In addition, they can get away from you and hide so thoroughly that you can't find them… and you know they are there, just lying in wait, so they can kill you in your sleep.
One got away from me this evening. I do not like that fact. (It also broke my daily killing streak.)
On a brighter note, the spider web that was built in the corner my bathroom has caught one of my own hairs and a white feather, presumably from the down comforter I use. The spider that has been in residence there has disappeared. I'm hoping he starved to death, but I'm sure that didn't happen. I think that instead, a larger spider living in my apartment probably ate him.
I know I'm next on the menu.
I've had a conversation with my spider plant, Mr. Spidey. He's not interested in protecting me. Damn useless plant.
End Blog.
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