Thursday, June 12, 2008

The Sasquatch Cometh

I knew there was good reason to drive fast and get the hell out of Oklahoma every time I've found myself there. I just stumbled upon this show on the Travel Channel called Bigfootville. It's about different places in Oklahoma where people frequently see hairy, nine foot tall creatures. Now, I'm not afraid of Bigfoot, I'm afraid of the yahoos that think they see it.

For some reason I thought Bigfoot allegedly lived the Pacific Northwest, not Oklahoma. Oklahoma is supposed to be the home of The Chicken Man. But at any rate, here's what I've pulled together: it has a broad shoulder span, no neck, giant cone shaped head, is 400-500 pounds, has reddish to brown to black hair, swinging arms, and a long stride. And apparently it doesn't defecate because the ranger claims he's never seen any droppings that could have come from Bigfoot.

Does anyone else find it odd that there's someone whose job title is actually "Bigfoot Researcher" (more commonly known as Bigfooters)?

The show is hilarious because they have several people in the woods in the pitch dark looking at movement in trees 100 yards away, wondering what it is because they can't see anything except darkness. And then they think that something is throwing rocks at them. Because I'm sure that's what Bigfoot would do if it happened upon you in the middle of the night in its own back yard.

Then one guy totally freaks out because... I have no idea why... movement in the woods, wind? It scared him so much that he wanted to leave. And as they were going, another rock was thrown at them!

Don't you think if they did exist we would have found some evidence of them? I mean, they are supposed to be pretty big. Some droppings, bones, something in the fossil record, maybe?

Next time I drive through Oklahoma, I'm bringing my gorilla suit and stilts with me. It'll be too easy...

End Blog.

No comments: