Scientific Writing

Sucks. It's boring as hell to read, but that's what I've been doing for the past few days. I think I have eye strain or something. One of them is twitching.

Today, though, was the day I lost it at work. And, I wish that I had a good way to explain this to you so that you found it as intriguing/amusing as I do, but I'm afraid that the only way to really appreciate it would be to read like 900 pages of scientific writing on semen.

Regardless, I'm going to share with you the wording of one of the articles and let you decide for yourself what you think of it. At first, I thought… "Gross." This quickly led to, "Heh, okay, it's kinda funny," which, upon more reflection produced, "It's actually kinda poetic."

The article was discussing the persistence of semen in the vaginal cavity after forced intercourse and what was to be expected in the recovery of biological evidence after certain time periods had elapsed – or how long semen can persist in the female body after deposition. (By the way, it's way longer than you think.)

BUT… here's the grossly-funny-poetic part: instead of using "vaginal cavity" the writers used, and probably coined the term, "vaginal vault".

I'll give you a minute to think it over.

…*one minute passes*...

You thought:

Gross: Like it's locking away semen for safekeeping or something.

Funny: Because it brings about all sorts of other consequential double entendres about combination locks and breaking into the vault.

Poetic: Because it sounds so freakin' cool. Vaginal vault. It's an amazing alliteration, actually. I am most proud of the scientific writers for this - because how often can you be literary in scientific writing? Oh, never.

Of course, I'm currently delusional. But, having read this far, you probably already knew that.

End Blog.