Firefly

I saw my first lightning bug of the season tonight. It's a comfort to know that they exist in Missouri too. You never know what you might be moving away from when you travel half way across the country. It's nice to see this wasn't one of them. The beginning of summer just wouldn't be the same without their friendly flashes in the evening dusk.

Although, I could live without mosquitoes. And spiders. And roaches.

Man, Missouri has some crazy big killer mutant cockroaches.

End Blog.

Traveling Companion

I find that when I travel for long distances, I get attached to traffic around me – especially cars that drive like I do - with cruise control set at or slightly above the speed limit. I traveled with a white pickup truck for probably over 80 miles last Friday and became very upset when we were finally separated at a traffic light right before my turn off onto TX 300.

He was my traveling companion for about an hour and a half. And even though we weren't speaking or going to the same place, it felt like we were traveling together.

And this, folks, is why I shouldn't travel all alone. Someone should keep my mind busy and distracted from making lasting bonds with complete strangers or I'll become devastatingly brokenhearted on every road trip I go on from now on.

And who knows what will happen if we end up at the same rest stop together. Probably magic and everlasting love. *Sprinkles fairy dust on the world*

End Blog.

Mischief Makers

I used the plural form of this word because I doubt that one person would have done this on their own.

While I was gone for the long weekend… someone had a birthday party in my apartment and then decided to hide some of my belongings. Now, seeing as how I just drove 10 hours and have dinner in front of me that I'm so hungry for, I might not have found all of the things that have been messed with. But, I've found 3 balloons, 5 cans of Dr Pepper, my remote, both of my framed Madonna pictures, two pillows, a blanket, and a Chinese menu that were either moved or added to my apartment. Plus an opened Diet Coke and a half finished can of Coke and post-it notes and a pen from my desk. And some random stuff on my bed/desk/dresser. There could be more.

I haven't opened all the cupboards or the dishwasher. I'm sure there will be other surprises seeing as how I haven't searched my whole apartment. I suppose if things that I never use or look at were moved, they might stay that way for a while.

I don't so much mind someone messing with my stuff or hiding it or moving it. I'm upset that I didn't get to hang out with the mischievous individual(s). I'd rather be surprised and come home to people than an unorganized mess. Did you lay down in my bed? Isn't it fantastic? Oh, and sorry I turned the air off. I didn't know you were coming.

But thanks for thinking about me anyway.

Payback's a bitch.

End Blog.

Homeward Bound

Yay! Multiple dog weekend!

Savvy, Rudy, Quila... I'll see you all soon!

*draws up evil plans to smuggle home a kidnapped dog*


End Blog.

Repent, Ye Sinners!

You're not going to believe this. I totally vacuumed.

The world is coming to an end.

Apocalypse is upon us all.

Save yourselves!


End Blog.

The Name of the Game is Procrastination

There are a whole bunch of things I should do tonight before leaving for the weekend. Like pack a bag, empty my fridge of things that shouldn't be in there anymore, take out my garbage, run the dishwasher, actually vacuum my carpet… But like… I don't wanna.

I still have one more day before I leave - and look, I already have a to-do list all written up. So, I'll do it tomorrow. Along with withdraw some cash from the bank and fill up my gas tank.

Okay, we all know I'm not getting around to vacuuming. Ever.

It's the thought that counts, isn't it? *Rolls around in own filth*

I'll do it all tomorrow. Really.

I mean it.

Except vacuuming.

End Blog.

Evil Seductress

Is it wrong that all I wanna do is sleep in this new bed of mine? I mean… I shouldn't, right? I should go about my normal daily human existence and be

Zzzzzzzzzz

The Ultimate Coyote Ugly Search

CMT has had a marathon on all day of this show. Women competing for the title to be the best Coyote Ugly and a chance to win $25,000. I can't describe what exactly is so entertaining about it, but I've watched it all day. Maybe it's because Lil Lovell is more fun to watch than Simon Cowell but is just as harsh sometimes.

Again, the curse of the marathon has been cast upon me.

Honestly, I don't know how to resist 8 hours of the same show in a row, especially when it ends with the final episode and there is closure. There's nothing worse than investing 8 hours in a show and not getting resolution. Yet, I'd still watch it anyway and then never see the season finale on it's regular date and time.

Do they have a Marathoner's Anonymous for something like this?

Kassie or Gina better win. Because I still don't like Amber.

End Blog.

Personified Magical Jewelry

I have three rings that I wear every day. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm a creature of habit. But when I don't wear them, it feels very odd. I have lost the ring I wear on my right pinky on several occasions, but somehow I've always managed to find it. It's been lost in the house in PA for like a year and reappeared out of nowhere. That one is still unexplainable. I've lost it in my bed sheets for a while. It's been lost in Target for about a week until I found it on the top shelf of Ziplock storage containers. And Janelle's mom has pointed it out to me on the floor of Kim's house once. It's been my magical ring that's always somehow found its way back to me. Maybe because it was like ten bucks and was supposed to be for a toe… and it was so grateful that I saved it from that horrible life. I'd be loyal after that too.

Recently, maybe three weeks ago, I lost the ring I consistently wore on my left hand. This is a completely different ring than what I wrote about above. It's expensive and was a gift from my parents. So, I figured when I lost it, it was gone forever. I made my peace with it and let it go.

Today, I found it in the washing machine. I halfheartedly looked in there when I realized it was gone, but figured that I had lost it earlier in the day and didn't try all that hard in that location. But again, a lost ring has found its way back to me. This one appears loyal too. I think it's because the stone in the middle somehow got cracked and it's no longer as beautiful as when it was purchased. But I still like it and no one really looks at rings that close anyway. So I've kept it and worn it everyday instead of putting it in a drawer and out of sight.

Logically I know that rings do not have personalities. In fact, I'm sure yours do not.

But mine love me.

Lots.

End Blog.

What's Your Sleep Number?

3 boxes weighing 47, 47 and 48 pounds

Containing:

4 frame beams
4 support beams
6 feet
12 washers
12 wing nuts
4 platforms
1 thingamabob
1 mattress base
4 support corners
4 foam boarders
2 air chambers
2 hoses
1 air pump
1 foam divider
1 zip on top of the mattress
2 sets of bad directions
0 extra parts

Plus:

1 bed skirt
1 mattress pad
1 fitted sheet
1 blanket
1 duvet cover
1 down comforter
4 pillows

Also featuring:

1 Wendy's double cheeseburger
2 Dr Peppers

And…

3 and a half hours later…

I have a fully assembled select comfort 3000 plush series queen sized bed. It's huuuuuuuge. I'm slightly frightened of it. I'm thinking of turning it into a jungle gym or something. It's this vast sea of blue fabric looming in the corner of my room. And it's tall. Who knew that 22 extra inches would feel like so much more bed? Not me.

But, I'm headed off to sleep. And regardless of the quality of this bed, I'm going to sleep well. Because it kicked my ass putting it together. I'm exhausted. And with luck, I shall wake up and not hurt at all.

May it be all I was hoping for and more.

End Blog.

PS - My Sleep Number is 20.

Miracle

I really don't know why it took me so long to see this movie. I mean, it has all the makings of something I'd want to see…

1. Sports movie. Woo!
2. Wait, no, better yet, hockey sports movie.
3. Do you even know how many times I've seen The Mighty Ducks?
4. I'm not joking. I love that movie.

Okay, fine, I'll tell you what you really want to know since I'm sure that you've been taking bets on it.

I cried on six different occasions during the course of this story. Six [6]! And I can't even tell you how many times I got all goosebumpily. (No, I made it up, but doesn't it sound cool?) Really, any sports movie will do it for me. Or you could blow somewhere in the vicinity of my neck or ear. Or, touch my neck for that matter. Oh, or play Melissa Etheridge's song I Run for Life. But, I digress.

The movie was well done. And I wasn't alive when the games were played in Lake Placid, but I felt like I could have been there. Not only was the hockey amazing, the accents were so wonderful, and they did their job with setting the political climate of the time. You were put into that little piece of history. Fabulous.

Superb movie.

Again, I'll say, I should have seen it much sooner.

I'm making a backup copy as I write this. Just in case. You know, should Blockbuster lose all of theirs, I can save the day.

End Blog.

ET Phone Home

Damn! My missions were thwarted by a friendly customer service rep!

I received a bill in the mail recently for my cancelled phone line back in DC. This made me angry. So, I called the 24 hour line at Verizon, only to be told that the 24 hour line was working on regular business hours, 8-5 EST.

When I finally got to talk to someone at Verizon two days later, I was going to discuss the 24 hour line with them. I needed answers. Why were they calling it a 24 hour line? Why not just call it the "10 Hour Line" or the "Number of Disappointment" or something else as fitting? I mean, after giving you their business hours, it actually hangs up on you. Not cool, Verizon.

So, I finally called this morning and actually got a person. He pulled up my account.

The account balance was zero.

Apparently, it's the mail's fault I'm getting bills. Well, okay, maybe not, I mean, Verizon did have my new address, they just didn't feel the need to use it and the mail service took a really long time to get it to me after rerouting it. But… considering I found out that I no longer owed anyone money… I kinda forgot to ask about the 24 hour line.

So, again, I am disappointed by it.

But, as it turns out, I can't hate Verizon. They have been a pretty good company to me. Although, the customer service at their wireless service rocks way more. Maybe they really never stop working for me.

Someday soon I'll find a deserving place to channel my hidden rage.

End Blog.

Far From Home

I moved really far away from all of my favorite people.

Tonight, I really miss them.


End Blog.

I Missed the Memo

Attn: Green Car Drivers

Congratulations! It's the day of the year you've all been waiting for. That's right, it's "Drive like an Asshole Day". But remember, this is for green car owners ONLY. Don't share the news with others.

Enjoy driving as much as you want today. Remember, anything goes!

Warmest regards,
The Powers That Be


Did something like this go out to everyone with a green car today? Because it sure as hell seemed like it.

And if so… why didn't I get one? C'mon! The Escape is Titanium Green! Sure, he might not be as dark as all those cars that were driving like maniacs, but don't cut him out of the loop. Henry might want to be an asshole on the road some days too.

End Blog.

Fantasy Ruined by Ugly Facts

Okay, so I signed up for the Blockbuster online whatever-it's-called-thing and have been getting movies sent to my apartment and getting an additional free rental every week at Blockbuster. Which is an awesomely sweet deal.

However, here's the issue: I keep getting frustrated when there's oh, let's say something at comes to me that I've been excited to see and the disc works for a little while until the DVD player reaches a damaged portion and stops completely, leaving me unfulfilled, frustrated and dissatisfied. You know, the things in life you're watching the movie to escape from.

Case in point – I just rented Jersey Girl. I'd heard relatively good things about it and I enjoy Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler together. They're the Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan of the younger generation. (And they all have 3 letter names.) Except Ben's hotter than Tom ever was and Meg's funnier than Liv could ever be. (Quick, someone make a Ben/Meg movie, stat!) But, anyway… cute movie. I get an hour and 31 minutes into it, when they're performing their big number from Sweeney Todd and… nothing. The disc won't play anymore.

Do you know how frustrating that is? After investing an hour and a half, I have no idea how the movie ends. What was the school's reaction to the song? What happened afterwards? Was there a Ben/Liv moment to end it? Did it have satisfying closure? Did he make the right decision? Did it end happily for him and Gertie?

I got no happy ending. I got nothing. I got annoyance and frustration.

So now what? Do I want to stick with Blockbuster? Am I thoroughly mad at them to consider switching to Netflix? Do they have the same problems? Will I miss the free weekly rentals in the store? Probably.

It's just a bummer when your escapism is totally ruined by reality, where things are imperfect and completely beyond your control. Reality sucks. It ruins my fantasy life daily.

Someone tell me what happens at the end of this movie. I hate not having proper closure.

End Blog.


Edited to Add:
Huh, will you lookit that. One of the cable movie channels is showing the end of this movie for me. Interesting twist, Karma. Interesting. Maybe I haven't lost all faith in reality quite yet.

Scientific Writing

Sucks. It's boring as hell to read, but that's what I've been doing for the past few days. I think I have eye strain or something. One of them is twitching.

Today, though, was the day I lost it at work. And, I wish that I had a good way to explain this to you so that you found it as intriguing/amusing as I do, but I'm afraid that the only way to really appreciate it would be to read like 900 pages of scientific writing on semen.

Regardless, I'm going to share with you the wording of one of the articles and let you decide for yourself what you think of it. At first, I thought… "Gross." This quickly led to, "Heh, okay, it's kinda funny," which, upon more reflection produced, "It's actually kinda poetic."

The article was discussing the persistence of semen in the vaginal cavity after forced intercourse and what was to be expected in the recovery of biological evidence after certain time periods had elapsed – or how long semen can persist in the female body after deposition. (By the way, it's way longer than you think.)

BUT… here's the grossly-funny-poetic part: instead of using "vaginal cavity" the writers used, and probably coined the term, "vaginal vault".

I'll give you a minute to think it over.

…*one minute passes*...

You thought:

Gross: Like it's locking away semen for safekeeping or something.

Funny: Because it brings about all sorts of other consequential double entendres about combination locks and breaking into the vault.

Poetic: Because it sounds so freakin' cool. Vaginal vault. It's an amazing alliteration, actually. I am most proud of the scientific writers for this - because how often can you be literary in scientific writing? Oh, never.

Of course, I'm currently delusional. But, having read this far, you probably already knew that.

End Blog.

The Bay Area's Seven Faults

I was reading the April 15th issue of Science News today at work. They had an article by Sid Perkins called "Region at Risk" about San Francisco and the major earthquakes in that area over the past, like, 400 years, paying particular attention to the one that happened in 1906. They went on to say that they can't really predict when "The Big One" will hit, but considering the fact that there are 7 major fault lines in the area, they're 62% sure that an earthquake with a magnitude of at least a 6.7 will happen before the year 2032.

And of the seven faults they point out to us graphically, the one with the highest chance of actually rupturing is Hayward Fault – at 27%. Please note its location below:



This fault line just happens to be the one that runs through Oakland, parallel to the more famous San Andreas Fault. I bring this up because family members live in Oakland and recently bought real estate that could possibly crumble to the ground within the next 26 years. (See the location of the arrow below for future possible family owned rubble.)



I just thought I'd let them know that the scientific community thinks they're screwed.

I only bring this up because I know that with my luck, all the tornadoes in the Midwest will pass me by without any harm. But with her luck, the biggest earthquake of the century will certainly happen like, right under my sister's car - where the four mile buffer distance between her house and the fault line will do her no good, since she's driven four miles from home and is now right over the Hayward Fault.

I am more scientifically convinced of this than the percentages listed above. I don't know when it'll happen... but when it does, she'll be there.

And then Superman will fly around the world backwards.


End Blog.