Every May I find myself driving to Texas to get my car inspected. As you know, it's an eight and a half hour drive which kinda drives me a little stir crazy after awhile. Like, oh, five or six hours in when I want to remove the state of Oklahoma from the United States and sink it in the ocean.
I thought I'd give you a quick recap of the trip, according to landmarks... because it's more fun that way.
Start from Kansas City.
There's the wee little city off in the distance of this picture. Bye Kansas City! See you in two days!
Here is the Paseo Bridge. Off to the left, you can see some cranes working on building the new bridge.
This is somewhere in southern Missouri. Missouri has roads that are named simply by letters. This town is the home of my initials. I imagine it is a magical place with unicorns.
Here is a McDonald's that is built over the turnpike. Seems like a completely normal place to put a McDonald's, don't you think?
This is a giant feathered Native American who greets you as you enter Big Cabin, Oklahoma. He is saying, "Thank you for paying that toll, sucker. If you'd like to lose more money for no good reason, I have built a casino for you right down the road."
This is also in Big Cabin, which, you can see is a very popular tourist location where all the NASCAR drivers go for vacation. There are more cops per capita than race cars. Although, that's probably true everywhere. At any rate, someone is really irate about receiving speeding tickets in Big Cabin. There are three of these trailers along the roadside. I took this picture as a representative sample of all three.
Then I pass a big giant lake in Eufaula. It is cleverly named Lake Eufaula. By this time in the journey, I have managed to kill one million bugs, just by moving my windshield through the air at high rates of speed. Some of them leave me with parting gifts that are yellow or red and gooey. At the gas station, I will scrub my little window clean again.
And then there's the Indian Nation Turnpike. I'm on this road for nearly 70 miles. In 70 miles, I saw 11 cars on my side of the road, and I passed every single one of them, just trying to get the hell out of Oklahoma.
This is where Jesus is buried. In Oklahoma. On the top of a hill. Don't drive into smoke.
This is a giant heifer. In a fence. I like to pretend he's made of paper mâché.
Here is a decapitated pilgrim. I think the feathered dude in Big Cabin may have done this, but I have no proof... yet.
This orchard in Texas is showing off its oranges and strawberries on the roadside. It's true that everything is bigger in Texas. Look at their produce!
Some time after this, I arrive at my parent's house which pulls me out of my delirium. Hooray! And, the car even passed its inspection and everything. Hooray times two!
Then, I drove home and saw all this stuff in the reverse order. Fascinating, I know.
Red Nose Day Actually releases a trailer
13 hours ago