Fact: Everything You'll Ever Need is Already in Your Basement

Good thing I have a basement.

Sadly, my "fix" for my toilet did not last all that long. This really isn't all that surprising. I was hopeful, but didn't expect much. Although, the last flood did catch me off guard... again. But, as it turns out, I am a genius for the way I finally came about the part to fix it properly.

The toilet overflowed late at night. Late enough for all the hardware stores to be closed. I was angry. Mostly because I didn't want to buy the whole replacement part, but also in conjunction with the fact that my solution to the problem didn't work. The best part about this story is that the parts I "fixed" the toilet with went missing. I think they may have somehow gotten flushed down the toilet, or were stolen by toilet gnomes.

So, I'm sitting on my couch, being angry, when I have an epiphany and realize that I really am a super genius. You see, I have a toilet in my basement that is fully functional, but is never used because it's in an unfinished basement... and, who would want to go down there and drop their drawers? (I have used it twice before in dire circumstances. Don't judge me.)

Therefore, said toilet was eligible to become a spare parts superstore that late at night. And, as luck would have it, basement toilet and bathroom toilet are the same kind. They share the same types of parts! I have a basement full of replacement parts!

So, I pilfered the thing I needed and my toilet has been fixed ever since. If only I had thought of that in the first place! It would have been free.

So, anyway, on the off chance that you were entertaining the notion of using my basement bathroom... good luck.


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They Don't Sell Magic

What a surprise. The part I need for my toilet tank mechanics isn't something that's sold by itself. And wouldn't you know it, all the major parts that I can buy are not similar to my own toilet, so I can't just buy the whole flush valve and only use the cap for the overflow tube because most of them don't have one. That's right, the part that seems to be so vital in my toilet isn't so vital in any other toilet because the part doesn't even really exist. Probably why mine committed suicide. It felt alone in the world.

I thought that I could just get a longer refill tube and stick it down into the overflow tube and all would be well. I mean, that's how all normal toilets seem to work. But, alas, no. I don't have one of those float ball type of toilets. No, mine has a different mechanism for stopping the water, and it broke. It's part of the flush valve. That is why the back of my toilet tank overfloweth, flooding the floor of my bathroom, and causing a super special leak into my basement.

So, I did what anyone would do in this situation. I made my own solution to the problem. I have fashioned something that seems to work, and work well. The troubling question is - how long is it going to work? I know I'll panic every time I have to flush in the next few days, but if it works, I'll forget about this mishap and then when I least expect it, my toilet will explode again.

I wish you could have seen my bathroom. Water sprayed all over the walls from the refill tube. It was like a cartoon hose flipping all about under pressure. Everything got wet, including me. It was pretty awesome.

Man, where is Hermione Granger when you need her? At least it's working now, albeit, not through magic.

My own ingenuity saves the day!


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PS - The propane tank on my gas grill leaks. I'm afraid to fix it because it really MIGHT blow up, but I think all it needs is a new valve thing-a-ma-jig or some rubber gaskets or something. Did I think to look for anything to repair my grill? No. Of course not.

I wonder if I could hire a handyman who would also be a maid. That would be a splendid service.

The Rubik's

A few weeks ago I went to the dentist (no cavities!) and while I was in the waiting room, I picked up a Rubik's Cube. I'd never bothered to learn how to solve those things when I was little, but as I was sitting there trying to figure it out, I thought, "It'd be really neat if I could solve this while I was waiting. That would make me really cool." Okay, at least I thought it would be cool. It would be cool to me if I saw someone else do it.

So, the next time I found myself in Wal-Mart (yay!), I bought one. And now I am cool. (Relatively speaking.)

Just in case you don't believe me...

Scrambled:

Solved the top green side and the first layer.

Solved the second layer.

Solved the cross/middle of the bottom side.

Moved the corners to their appropriate places, but not in the correct orientation.

Two corners in the correct location - this is the hardest part because it looks like you're messing up the rest of the cube while you're doing it!

Finished.

And the other side, too.

I figured if I didn't show the progress someone would say that I just took it out of the package and snapped a picture. The bright colors in these photographs make me happy.

Yay me! Now I just have to remember this long enough to impress people in tooth pain. I rock so hard.


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An Idea is a Greater Monument than a Cathedral

I just watched Inherit the Wind last night. You know the movie - the one based on the Scopes Monkey Trial in Dayton, Tennessee in 1925. A battle royale between the modernists and traditionalists - or intellectuals and religion, so it seemed.

I'm sure everyone knows which side of this debate I fall on. I can't imagine why there would even be a law banning any sort of education. I already feel that the world is undereducated, so to take away anything that would provoke a thought of our own or challenge traditional beliefs is ridiculous... but to have a law banning it is downright unconstitutional. Especially with the whole idea of separation of church and state. Don't argue that America was founded by Christians - it was founded by those seeking religious freedom - and I think that should still be the case. I won't get started on what our government has turned into in the past few years.

It baffles me that 82 years later we're still having this debate on what to teach in schools. Evolution? Creationism? Intelligent design? All three? None of the above? I was never taught evolution. My AP biology teacher, Mr. Eckert, told me to read a few chapters in the book on my own because there would be questions on the AP test about it... but he couldn't teach them to me in class. At the time I was under the impression that "couldn't" meant that we didn't have enough time to cover it in the curriculum, not that he was actually not allowed to. You'd think I was growing up in Kansas, not Pennsylvania.

I can't understand it. Why do our social values and intellect conflict so much? People are fanatical about religion and what they consider moral. And apparently using your mind and the ability to reason, the very thing that sets us apart from all the other animals - and arguably the thing that God himself bestowed upon us - that's what gets all the fundamentalist folks all riled up.

FACT: The sun revolves around the Earth. We didn't descend from slimy sludge. The world is not millions of years old. Not believing in God makes you an amoral heathen. Marriage is between one man and one woman. Man and woman were placed on the Earth by God during creation.

Listen. Thought doesn't undermine values. The thinking men and women still know right from wrong, but they can also see all the shades of grey surrounding the issue. They can see other possibilities. They have found things that don't fit into neat boxes and have striven to make sense of the world. Evolution has gaps. So does genetics. Scientists recently discovered that what they thought they knew about transcription of DNA and what they termed "junk DNA" might be completely wrong. Life is still a mystery... But they know there is not only one solution to a problem, and they will keep working at that problem. Not only that, there will be others working at the problem from a different angle, forming their own opinions on the matter. But they will not be standing still, insisting that they have found all the answers, and they are right... all you have to do is have faith and believe!

Scholars are our future, they are progress.

The thing that killed me about this movie was the song that the mob kept singing. "Gimme that old time religion, it's good enough for me." Since when has anything been "good enough" for us? We like progress. We are fans of enlightenment and intelligence. We are innovators. At least, that's what I always thought. Maybe that's why I like the theory of evolution so much. I want to keep moving forward, not living by the rules of the past. Not believing in the old stuffy religions that leave no room for change, no route for progress. And without those paths open to us, we will be left behind by others who are more open minded.

If you haven't ever seen this movie, or if it's been years since you watched it, I think it deserves another viewing. This movie makes you think. And even though it was made over 40 years ago, it applies to so many things today. Truly a thinking man's movie - and not only that, it was very true to the real life events that occurred in 1925.

Two great, big, opposable thumbs up.


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