Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Flat Tires in the Summer Time

Right around the fourth time you have a flat tire in the past six years, you stop caring about several things. The first is the warranty. As long as your tires are covered, nothing will ever happen to them. But even lifetime warranties have no guarantee, and if you have one, there will be some circumstance that will default it - like, you've moved out of the service area that you would have been guaranteed under. Or, I'm sure, dozens of other small matters that would void whatever it is that your warranty was supposed to protect you from. I've decided that I just don't care. A warranty that I have paid for has NEVER saved me money.

The second is cost. Tires are expensive. Chances are, I'll be buying new ones within the next two years. I have accepted this as my fate in life. It's a crumby fate, but it is my place, and I suppose someone in the universe had to fill it. What's your fate? Maybe we can trade.

Third, the tires for my car will never, ever be in stock, anywhere - and the fact that the tire stores can miraculously get them within a few hours leads me to believe that they are liars. Big, fat, mean liars. Someday, if I ever have to buy all four tires as new, I will buy something from the floor models... but, seeing as how I have to buy new tires biyearly, this will never happen to me. Unless I blow more than two next time, at which time, I should probably give up driving completely.

Four: I still can't actually change a tire. It's not for lack of knowledge. I mean, having a flat tire every two years, you retain the knowledge. You might be a little rusty, but you know where all the parts go and how the mechanics of the operation works. I still cannot, however, budge any of the lug nuts. Inevitably I have had my tires rotated or other such fun and they've been put on with an air compressor that my measly muscles cannot overcome. Or, one step back from there, I can't even get the spare out from underneath my car with the little crank thing that's strategically placed in my bumper. I will have more flat tires. I will not change them. This has been accepted.

Also, for added fun, my spare tire rim is 17 inches while my regular car rims are 16 inches, so I can't put an old tire on the spare and have an extra tire for next time this happens (because there will be a next time). And seeing as how I just spent a small fortune on tires - which you need and use daily but don't really appreciate until you don't have one - I'm not going to buy a new rim for my spare so that I can have a real, full-sized tire. I'm not even sure a real, full-sized tire would fit in the well underneath my car that houses my spare anyway.

But you know what? It's gotten to the point where I just don't care anymore. Fact: Sometime during next summer, or the one after that, I will completely ruin another tire.

I have accepted my tire fate. May it be the only car issue I ever have.

End Blog.

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