Friday, August 26, 2005
What word refers to a group of people? Because if there isn’t one, I’d like to suggest “a fuckload of people”.
Can we tell my commute is getting tiresome? Well, not the commute itself… the fuckload of people I have to deal with on the commute. I’m sick of those idiots. …All in my way and annoying.
And there is no remedy to this situation. Therefore, all I can do is complain. Until I find a job and am able to move out of the DC area… away from its bigness and fuckloads of people.
Fuckloads of people make me cranky.
Friday, August 19, 2005
It was my first huge, look, I have a Master’s degree, give me a job kinda of thing. And I at least think that I didn’t totally blow it. Of course, maybe they were just being nice to me. I mean, if they hated me, would I even know it? Although, they would be very skilled liars. I did get an optimistic vibe leaving the place.
However, I have no idea how long it’s going to take to hear back from them. Or how long it’ll take if they decide to call me back for a polygraph. Or after that, how long it would take to actually hire me. The ballpark figure I got was “by the end of the year”. That’s four months. And I’m impatient.
Mostly because I know I’ll have no source of income come October. And I will not go back to Target. I can't bring myself to do it. I guess I had just hoped that this would be a bit speedier. Realistically, I guess it would be just as silly to hope that I didn’t have to pay rent anymore and food and gas suddenly became free. Or that I would win the megamillions jackpot. Then I wouldn’t even need a silly job. I could sit around and split my time completely between the television and internet and be contentedly happy, never having a worry again. Well, unless there were two conflicting showtimes! Thank goodness for VCRs. Wait, what am I talking about? I have millions of dollars! I'd totally have on demand and tivo.
I’m just sick of waiting. I’m ready to start whatever it is that’s to become of my life. Because I know where I am now is nothing close to what I want to be.
This all sounds so depressing, but worrying about my future is something I’ve been doing a lot of recently. And most of it stems from my lack of funds. There’s this commercial on the radio that claims “people think about money once every 30 seconds”. I don’t know how that could be true. Because if I did that, I think I’d have to commit myself into a long-term care mental facility.
But meanwhile, while in Missouri, I shall stop worrying for a few days and bask in the beauty that is this trip:
- The flight cost $5.00
- My bags were not lost
- No hotel costs
- No rental car expenses
- Green, green farmland as far as the eye can see (mmm, corn and soybeans, how you feel like home)
- And my personal MO support group showing up for me in spades. What a difference a year can make.
It’s been a lovely trip so far. Even if it turns out that it was just to spend a little extra time with friends. I love you guys! *tear*
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Now - get ready for a bunch of ifs -
If the interview goes well...
If they call me back for a polygraph…
If I pass the polygraph…
If they offer me the job…
…I’m going to take it.
Initially I had just applied to see what would happen. I didn’t expect to be called. I didn’t expect to get an interview. I never expected I’d make a move that large by myself.
And I never believed in fate and karma.
But something has been wanting me in Missouri since 1998.
Although, Missouri has a way of crushing my spirits and letting me down. Take Washington University, for example. They didn’t accept me even though it was the only place on Earth I wanted to go to school. It led to total devastation and anger and tears and disappointment. But it did direct me to four great years… okay, three great years at LVC and the bestest friends ever. And I eventually went to a school with Washington and University in the title. But neither of the schools equaled the amount of love I had for the one in St. Louis.
And now Missouri is showing promising opportunity yet again. Maybe Kansas City is friendlier than St. Louis. (And from what I’ve been told, it is.)
But I don’t want to get my hopes up. Missouri has been very mean to me in the past. (Yes, I generalize to the whole state. What are you gonna do about it?) Although, maybe somehow it knew that I needed a few years before I ended up there.
Because it feels like home. Where I belong.
Although, I do know what happens when I find something I love in Missouri. Rejection.
So I refuse to think I’m getting this job… even though I really, really want it.
Maybe it's time to face the music - I'm just not good enough for Missouri.