Futurama

Disclaimer to the Universe:
Please do not jinx me for finally being optimistic about this job. Thank you.



I’d like to write something overly simple and yet extremely intelligent to tell you what exactly I’m feeling right now, but I find that I’m pretty much incapable of putting together thoughts in a manner that represents the emotions I’m currently having.

I’m nearly certain that I’m going to get this job that I interviewed for back in August. (See, Universe, I said nearly...) Now, while this is good news, there are still a myriad of things that require my attention. Like… giving notice I’m moving out – but on what date? And how exactly will I work that out with my current roommate? And packing my things to move half way across the country. And renting a truck to do so. And coordinating time off with my parents and using them for help... again. Then there’s also getting my car ready for the trip as well. Not to mention my dwindling savings account and how much this will all cost. And how wise it is to continue putting things on my credit card? How quickly will I be able to pay it off?

Then there’s the whole getting a new apartment – and how can I make sure it doesn’t end up like my current apartment? How do I make sure I pick a good place that I can afford and yet still not get anything stolen? I mean, crime is good for the job but not for my personal well-being. And then the whole getting approved financially to live there without the support of my co-signing parents. It seems weird to think of myself as an adult. In my mind I'm so far from adult.

Not to mention Tracey’s upcoming birthday, which always sorta puts me in a funk because it reminds me how she would have been such a great example to follow after – and then reminds me of all the things she didn’t get to do. Like have a first real job. Or drive across the country. Or frickin' go to grad school.

Then there’s my own birthday on its way. I’ll be turning twenty-five. Which seems like a milestone in acquiring responsibility. So, it’s good that I’m most likely getting a job. A real job. With a retirement plan and healthcare benefits. A career. Adult things.

But with all of these things running through my mind, the one that hit me hardest today while thinking about starting to pack up my apartment…

I realized just how far away I’ll be from the place I grew up (I mostly mean college), from the friends I grew around and from the people that understand me most. Sure, I might not see them often (or ever) now, but I knew they were only three hours away. Visits were possible. And I wonder: If I feel isolated now sometimes here in DC, will KC be able to change that, or change me? I’m sure it’s my fault I’d rather stay in than go out, but of course being more financially stable will help remedy some of that. Being poor and broke is seriously limiting - especially in the social life department.

But I’ll miss Thanksgivings in New Jersey, although the possibility of being closer to family and having the money to spend that time where I should be – at home… feels right. The job feels right – an opportunity like none other – doing something I truly believe I’ll love.

To be happy going to work everyday is, I think, something we all strive for and the promise of having that at such a young age… I’m probably ahead of the pack. I know what I want. I’m very close to getting there. It’s just a matter of not letting the loneliness and isolation of an entirely new place get to me. To be able to assimilate myself into a new group and find good, honest friends… and hopefully someday someone to love. And split the rent with. Who likes dogs.

Just a few more obstacles in my way… before I turn twenty-five and start a future that will be the rest of my life. And although I’m scared, I also think I’m incredibly lucky.

It’s an odd feeling to be so hopeful and scared and uncertain about something I’m so sure is the right choice for me. I guess I’m just conflicted about growing up and gaining responsibility.

But, if I’m lucky, I’ll skip the quarter-life crisis that so many of my peers are going through.


End Blog.