Thursday, July 21, 2005

Just call me Lashuganatta

I look at the names of criminals at work every single day. And for some of these would-be upstanding citizens who may have strayed from the strict laws of society… there is really only one reason.

Their names are absolutely horrible.

Some names are normal names spelled completely wrong. Spelled phonetically… possibly by not quite so bright parents. Others are just completely insane. And made up. And wrong. No wonder these kids grow up to be inmates.

And where was the father on this one?

“Aw, look at my beautiful little baby girl! I’ll name her Twinkle.”

Seriously… what do you do with that name? You’ve got Stripper, Hooker, Life of Crime. Congratulations, Mom.

And, as a side note, do not make the mistake of naming your offspring the following:
First and middle names should never be any form of – Renee, Dwayne, Wayne, Lamont, or Lee. There is an overwhelming number of these names present. And, I wouldn’t pick them as the most popular names in the world. Obviously it’s a factor that predisposes one to criminal activity.

Of course, all of this is based on very scientific and statistical analysis that’s simply too complex to explain in this medium. Just take my word for it. I’m serious. I wouldn’t make this up.

Don’t use these names unless you want your kid living in an orange jumpsuit for years.

End Blog.

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