Mini-Physical Time

It's that time of year again where I get the results from my mandatory blood chemistry screening. I still haven't contracted HIV or Hepatitis B or Tuberculosis. Yay!

My cholesterol is 185 (HDL is 69, LDL is 98, and triglycerides are 90). And those pesky chloride numbers are fine now. I tell you this because they were high last year, even though I have no idea what that means. So, I fixed it by gaining a bunch of weight because that's the only thing I've done recently to explain it. That and buy new pants, but I don't think pants have a bearing on chloride levels.

On a more interesting note, my carbon dioxide levels are low, confirming what I've thought ever since freshman biology class: I am a plant. (We were doing some study on respiration, and my carbon dioxide curve was almost backwards compared to the other students in class.) So, cool. I should spend some more time in the sun. Maybe I'll grow and distribute my weight more evenly...

My glucose was at 82, so that's the best news by far - I don't have diabetes... yet. Considering my family history, I feel like it's only a matter of time. Of course, with cholesterol at 185 while I'm only 27, I suppose that could be a ticking time bomb as well. It'd be neat if they actually had the doctor talk to you about your results so that you knew what it was all about.

Regardless, I don't think I'm going to die tomorrow.


End Blog.

Good News! I Don't Have HIV

Not that there was reason to worry. But, wasn't that the sweetest blog title I've ever had?

Turns out all the blood chemistry they ran on me fell into the normal range. Although, my chloride level was exactly the top acceptable number allowable. Not that I know how bad a high chloride level would be. I mean, we need chloride ions for all sorts of biological stuff. And by all sorts of stuff I mean I only remember learning about the central nervous system using it. I don't know what happens when you have too much chloride. Guess all those years working on that bio degree really paid off, eh?

Maybe I should ask LVC for my money back. I mean, I could use the money. According to these results, I'm not going to die anytime soon.

Of course, there's always the possibility of getting hit by a bus or getting killed in some gruesome murder.

What an upbeat ending. I'm in an awfully odd mood this evening. Don't ever let me watch American Psycho ever again. I mean it. Never.

End Blog.