Waiting It Out

Yes, I know that for the first time in a long time I have health insurance. And I know that I've had a somewhat persistent cough for three weeks now. But, I swear, it's finally starting to feel a little better and no… I'm not going to the doctor.

I've been told to by several people, but I really don't think that's the answer. Coughs don't just last a week like the majority of cold symptoms do, and it's the only remaining reminder that I was sick awhile back.

I read a medical study that said coughs often last three weeks - and often last a month. They also showed that antibiotics really didn't help speed up the recovery process. Antibiotics don't treat coughs. And therefore, there is nothing a doctor could do for me right now.

Even if I did go and they prescribed antibiotics, I wouldn't want to take them. I know how over prescribed they are and the whole theory about bacteria becoming resistant to them. I have a hard time with anyone getting antibiotics for colds. Even bronchitis. It doesn't do anything for you. Pneumonia, on the other hand, okay. You can have the medicine. It will actually help you. I don't have pneumonia.

So, the plan is to continue waiting. The cough is still kinda there but not nearly as bad. And studies show that it's highly likely I should still have it even after all this time. It's just that it's getting quite annoying. And I like to complain. A lot.

Complain, complain. *cough*

End Blog.

The Fireworks Aren't the Same Without You

Same colors and shapes and explosions. The same patterns and sounds.

But still, the firework displays aren't the same with you, J.

No one on Earth likes them like you do and just watching them and sharing in your joy is one of the things I'll miss the most about all of my 4th of Julys to come. That and seeing your eyes grow so big when you see the cotton candy stand in the distance.

I wish everyone could have that childlike joy you reserve for this one day.

It's the first fourth without you in some time - I hope that you know you are missed. I wish I coulda been there.

I know, sappy and emotional. But there are things you just can't move with you that are sorely missed.

End Blog.

Summer Movie Vintage Mustang Count

...is now at two.

1. The Lake House, 1967, brown
2. Superman Returns, 1966, light blue

I know that you could care less. But this is my blog and I can do whatever I want.


End Blog.

Be Nice To Me, I Gave Blood Today

Temperature: 98.4
Blood pressure: 120/70
Pulse: 68
Hemoglobin: 14.0

I'm one pint of blood down, and six vacuum tube vial thingies (including the two from this morning for the job related HIV/blood chemistry test). I don't know if it was a good idea to do them both on the same day, but I did. I'm incredibly zany like that. And apparently super philanthropic when it comes to blood. So now I have needle holes in both my arms and a cut finger from the hemoglobin test. (Which, by the way, is super fancy now-a-days.)

And, they needed my B negative blood. As I knew they would. Go me.

O00oo, and I got a free XL t-shirt. Which is kinda sad because it's actually a nice design for the police/fire battle for blood thing. I'd wear it for real if it weren't so big. But instead, I'll have to shuffle it off to the land of "clothes that can only be worn to bed".

Oh, good news. The police are currently winning the battle by 36. Can't wait to see tomorrow's tally as I'll be one of them there donors. Apparently the police won last year for the first time in many, many years. I'd like to see them do it again. And it's not because I work for the police.

It's because the firefighters have a better reputation in the community as a whole. They can flood your car, break down doors and shatter windows and people thank them for it. People hardly ever thank the police. And after 9/11, I think the public respects firefighters even more.

I think we need to show the cops more love. Their job is just as hard and dangerous. So… the police deserve to win the blood battle. And any other friendly competition with the fire people. Except for maybe putting out fires because if the police are better at that, we've got some problems.

End Blog.

The Global Warming Sham

I'm not going to deny that global warming exists. I'm not going to deny that we're creating carbon dioxide and green house gases. But, what I am going to do is tell you that someone has yet to convince me that humans are the cause of it.

I'm a skeptic. Yes.

I do not claim to be an expert on this topic. What I do claim is that the public is being brainwashed into thinking things that may not be entirely true simply because they are not supplied with all of the information out there and forced to believe only the things presented to them. (I won't bring up the bird flu issue again.)

Indulge me in a little science talk for a few moments. (I feel like I haven't had a good science post scince early May.)

Our current climate has the same carbon dioxide levels and greenhouse gases as the Pliocene era (3-4 million years ago). However, during the Pliocene, the Earth was on average 3 degrees Celsius warmer, there were no polar ice caps, and sea levels were 25 meters higher. So, why is the Earth so cool today?

Surely, you say, this is where the whole global warming thing is coming from, right? Why, you ask, wouldn't I believe it's going to happen given these facts? Certainly we are headed for a big melting disaster and regressing to a climate much like the Pliocene!

Here's the thing though… the Pliocene had a constant El Niño ocean current which kept a warm surface layer of water in the Pacific Ocean. But we don't have that today. We have an alternating El Niño, La Niña current so the Pacific stays relatively cool. Therefore, we have polar ice. (In fact, almost all of the ocean's waters are near freezing, even those beneath the tropics.) So, the currents, the winds, some kind of thermodynamics (that's always been a fuzzy area for me)… they all play a part in global climate.

So, global climate change doesn't just depend on carbon dioxide levels. That's just it… it's GLOBAL. Land formation, ocean currents, water surface temperature, the tilt of the Earth, reflecting light from the surface of the planet, electromagnetism, carbon dioxide, greenhouse gases, ozone, wind, weather, clouds, atmosphere, the carbon cycle… all of this stuff plays a part in global climate.

I'm not convinced that people have that much of an effect. The climate was changing for thousands of years before we got here and it hasn't ever stopped. Humans have been through an ice age before. Did they cause it? I think not. The Earth is going to continue to evolve with or without us.

When you have different groups of scientists predicting both the melting of polar ice caps and the coming of the next ice age, it's hard to choose who to believe. Therefore… here's what I'm going with: It doesn't matter. Either way, if we helped set it in motion or not, we can't stop it. We can't stop tornadoes or earthquakes or hurricanes. We can't change ocean currents or winds. We can't control weather. Even if we could control carbon dioxide levels, none of us can control all the other factors, let alone the global climate as a whole.

So, shut up about it already.

Now, using up all of our non-renewable resources is a different problem altogether. That you're all allowed to work on. I motion that all geo-meteorological types (or whatever they're called) start working on problems other than predicting the coming climate change. All in favor?

End Blog.

KCPCL Looks Out For My Well Being

What a nice employer. I'm being sent to a mandatory blood chemistry screening and HIV test tomorrow.

Isn't that nice?

I think I'm also going to try to give blood tomorrow. It's the 12th annual Battle For Blood between area police and fire departments. Currently, the fire community is winning by 9 people. (Check it out at http://www.battleforblood.com/)

I figure it's been a long time since I've given blood, and they always like it when I do since I have the second rarest blood type. I think only 2% of the US (caucasian) population is B-, or something crazy like that. So, I feel like I should do it more often.

Plus... it's summertime. They always seem to be in short supply at this time of year.

So, that's the plan. Tomorrow I shall give away all my blood. Woo!

End Blog.

Maybe Too Much

Guys Like That You're Sensitive

And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way. You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to. Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets. No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!

What Do Guys Like About You?

But... I do cry at the drop of a hat!

End Blog.

In My World, You Could Be Imprisoned For This

Jessica Simpson... you totally stole Madonna's song "Holiday" and tried to pass it off as your own. I hope she's getting royalties from your song "A Public Affair". Because she and Jellybean Benitez did it better the first time around.

Seriously people, have you heard this? The opening bars sound like a bad remake of "Holiday". I can't get over it. She's a stealer. And it's not like it's been sampled. It's been comptely stolen and re-synthesized. In, like, a bad midi form.

Okay, besides the fact that it's a Madonna song, you might wonder why I'm so upset. Therefore, I will share with you my fondest DC memory of all.

Leaving the Madonna concert (The Re-Invention Tour):
I get on the metro from the MCI Center with all the other fans leaving the Madonna concert. A completely empty metro train rolls in and we cram in like sardines. And someone in the back of my train starts singing "One day to come together to release the pressure. We need a holiday!" The whole train laughs, and then joins in. We sang the whole song, together. It was like living in a musical. (Like RENT but without all the AIDS. Not that I really know it was without all the AIDS. Maybe it was just exactly like RENT.)

It was the only time I ever felt united with other people in that city. And my favorite "city moment" from the entire 2 and a half years I lived there.

Jessica Simpson's ruining everything!

End Blog.

Random Events of the Past Several Days

In list form!

1. I had a weird dream that my mom gave me a horribly bad haircut.

2. I had incredible fun with an undercover cop from Columbia, MO and a detective from Raymore, MO at crime scene school.

3. I got a phone number at work after only 4 months of being on the job.

4. I had a dream about an avalanche that was kinda scary.

5. I passed crime scene school and almost pulled an all-nighter.

6. I was told my report writing "reads very British" but that I write extremely well.

7. I found out that "the exact opposite of" my name is "Whitebad".

8. I think my alcohol tolerance has increased, due in large part to the influence of police. I find this fact humorous.

9. I'm now offically allowed to be placed on-call at work and go to crime scenes as a secondary, although I'd really like to do my ride alongs before that happens.

10. I love my hair every single time I get out of the shower. Someone should have made me cut it a million years ago.

11. The dreams are beginning to bother me. I'm having them almost every night. Usually I don't remember them and they hardly ever wake me up, but all this activity is really getting ridiculous.

12. I was probably dehydrated this whole last week.

13. I actually saw sunlight and it changed the color of my skin slightly. Imagine!

14. I remembered that I liked being outside and sweating isn't that bad.

15. I still don't like math and am still bitter that the US doesn't use the metric system. C'mon, America. It'd make our lives so much easier!

16. Someone almost ran right into my car today because they didn't check their blind spot before merging. Luckily, I know where the brakes are and how to use them.

17. I still have clean laundry I haven't folded from last weekend. Getting my own washer and dryer was probably a very bad thing. My apartment slowly got messy the past three weeks.

18. I finally saw Chasing Amy. What a great movie.

19. I still have a horrible sounding cough anytime I drink anything, but feel just dandy otherwise. I'm ready for it to go away now that it's been two full weeks.

20. I stabbed myself in the face with a mechanical pencil and broke the lead off right there in my jaw. Talent, I say. Talent. And... ouch.

21. My thighs ache today from squatting so much during the crime scene practical yesterday. I'm horribly out of shape, I suppose.

Yay Random Facts.
End Blog.

There's a Right Way and a Wrong Way

Today in class we did like 12 practical assignments involving fingerprint development. The problem with the set up was that we had to put our own prints on different substrates and then develop them. A good thing to note here is that its 90 degrees outside and you can't wear gloves if you want to lay down prints, but you should have them on while you're enhancing them.

Interesting fact: When your hands swell up from a combination of sweat and heat, latex gloves are super difficult to get on and off. Needless to say, we all got extremely messy in this endeavor. I got some really pretty prints as well… but… extremely messy.

How messy you may ask?

Let's just say I somehow managed to superglue black powder to my left index finger, got Genitian violet on my right palm while taking off my gloves, and found Crowle's stain on my forearm sometime later that afternoon. Although, I would also like to point out, I was not the filthiest person there.

The crime scene techs are really amazing people. I know with practice it all gets easier and this was the whole point of the exercise – the heat, the bad lighting, the substandard conditions we'll work in at times.

It was really a blast. Man, I love this job.

But messy.

Aren't you thrilled by my stories? I mean, supergluing black powder to your finger is not something you'll ever see on CSI.

End Blog.

Haircut!

Woooo!

Okay, I know, when getting your hair cut is the most exciting thing going on in your life, it's pretty lame. But, you have no idea how much I really really really really really really really really needed a haircut. (Okay, if you read my blog, possibly you had an inkling to the dire need.)

That's a lot of reallys. I mean, this event is totally blog-worthy.

And it only cost me $14.99. For a haircut. Of my whole head. And it actually looks pretty dang nice.* I suppose I've found my new hair cutting place. And it's so very close to my apartment.

Horray.

End Blog.

*Of course, it has been blown dry by a professional and we all know I'm not going to take the time to do that myself. However, there is no product in my hair. I suppose this is how I keep the price of my haircuts so low.

Thirsty Thursday

I went out to a bar with fellow classmates from my CSI school tonight. Cops are fun to hang out with.

Plus, now I know an undercover narcotics officer. How cool is that?

Good times. Good night. Good people. And they even walk you to your car at the end of the night.

End Blog.

The Magical World of Pixar

True, the basic theme of every movie they make is the same, but it works. Every single time.

Toy Story, Toy Story 2 (they're rumored to be making a 3rd for 2008), A Bug's Life, Monsters Inc., Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, and now Cars. All stories about family, whether you're born into it or you accidentally find yourself making your own with a bunch of loveable rag-tag misfits.

Cars gets two very enthusiastic thumbs up. Visually stunning. Great soundtrack. Heartwarming story. Go see it and wait until the end of the credits, people! Have you learned nothing from past Pixar Animation flicks? The drive-in sequence is a blast and the very last scene has a wonderful play on words. And if they add outtakes later in the theatrical run I'll be very upset about missing them.

Plus, any movie that gives a car a personality is okay in my book. Although, the movie needed a Mustang. Ka-chow!

End Blog.

Good News

I'm a much happier person when I can breathe easily through my nose. And today, without medication, I was able to do it all day.

Yay!

I'm still kinda sleepy, but I have homework to finish for school. Tomorrow we're reconstructing a crime scene from all the police report reading I need to do tonight.

And thus ends the most boring blog entry, ever.

Sickly McSickerson

I thought I'd keep you updated on only the unusal symptoms of my cold. This one you'll enjoy.

Everytime I swallow my right ear sqeaks. You can't hear it, but I can.

The good news is that I found old cold medication in my cabinet containing pseudoephedrine. Man, remember pseudoephedrine? Back in the good old days? Of course it "expired" nearly a year ago. I suppose that tells you how often I get sick enough to medicate myself and how truely miserable I must be right now to be doing so. You know, aside from the ear thing.

God damn drug dealers had to go and ruin cold medicine for everyone. Phenylephrine just doesn't work the same. Of course, right now I'm vowing to go to a store before class tomorrow morning and grab me some oxymetazoline. I'm not kidding around anymore. That's how much the nasal congestion is bothering me. I'm bringing in the big guns - Afrin - even if it will make my throat hurt like hell. Please, God, let them still sell the most miracle wonder drug of them all.

Funny, you'd think if I was going to ask God for something, it would be to get rid of my cold. I suppose we see how much faith I have in healing the sick without modern medicine.

End Blog.

Fortress of Solitude

It's June. A month with lovely weather and gorgeous nights, one where my bestest friends celebrate their birthdays (some longer than others) and a time where I happen to feel really crappy – about all sorts of things.

Currently, I'm sick. My throat hurts, my eyes are burning, I ache and when I'm lucky, I can breathe through my nose. I quarantined myself in my apartment today and slept as much as possible, watched some movies, read a book, avoided homework like a champ, and overall felt sorry for myself. But that's not my only issue right now.

Living here, while it has amazing perks, sucks every now and again. I love the days I spend an hour and a half on the phone with J, but it makes the times in between those calls ever more depressing. I don't get it. I hardly got to see her the last three years anyway, but knowing there's such distance between us now is disheartening. But for that hour and a half, she makes everything feel right in the world. Someone that honestly, truly cares about me and isn't afraid of saying so. Sometimes that's all a girl needs: to know that someone else out there in the cosmos cares and appreciates who it is that you are. I miss having people who get me, who just know me that well. And I love that I know her better than anyone else and can tell within her first three words if anything is wrong. You don't find friends like that often, if ever. She knows the best and worst parts of me and loves them both. I couldn't be more grateful to know her.

Thirdly, although the least important in this random thought seepage, I need a haircut more than I have ever in my entire life. I don't even like to look in the mirror. I didn't recognize myself in a recent photo right away. My indecisiveness on the matter is just making it worse. It needs to go, but the problem is that once I get it cut in a fashion I like, it'll be in my face and over evidence when I get back to the lab, even if I try to pull it back. And it's going to annoy the shit out of me possibly more than the ugliness that is my current unending locks. This is one of the many times where it'd be wonderful if I had been born a guy. Because buzzing your hair off in the summertime is perfectly acceptable for them. Alas… I need to find somewhere to cut my hair and hope that I can trust whoever does it. It's a good 6 inches too long. I suppose this should be my next goal and I should just suck it up and get it done.

Get a haircut, like it or not.

Wow, did we all notice how much I went on about my hair? I feel like it has to represent something profound in my life. Wanting to get rid of it but unable to trust someone to let go? Not wanting to let it go for some reason that's not so clear to me yet?

It's pretty awful when you start reading into your own journal writing. Something is probably seriously wrong with my mind. I mean… you have to mean to write symbolism. There needs to be a conscious effort on the author's part, right?

Obviously this virus is messing with my mind. I should be sleeping.

End Blog.

Going, Going, Gone

For those weak of heart or stomach, you might not want to read this. For people who continually ask me if I've seen a dead body today, the answer would be yes.

...................................................................................

We learned how to process a body at the morgue today, but it wasn't much new information for me. I mean, taking hinge lifts and fingernail scrapings are kind of self explanatory. Although it was good experience to be around more dead people.

I like dead people. Not like… like them, like them, but… find nothing wrong or creepy about them being dead. We saw a gentleman this afternoon that had been killed in a motorcycle accident. His left arm and right wrist had compound fractures and possibly his neck or chin or something was broken… I'm not sure, but something was certainly not right about it.

We took his elimination prints and hair standards to learn how. Fingerprinting him was not too difficult. I actually got some really nice looking prints from him and took a palm print as well. This was way easier than last time. I imagine you get better with practice of how to manipulate a hand that's still in rigor.

There was talk about getting to see the old guy they fished out of the river after 3 days of submersion, but that didn't happen. I feel like that's something I need to experience. I mean, I'd like to confirm that I can handle something that "icky". I'd like to know the smells and such and be able to see seriously bloated individuals and know what skin slippage is like. But, alas, we did not.

Some people were complaining about the smell in the morgue. I didn't think it was gross. As a matter of fact, I really thought it smelled like cooked cabbage. I kinda wanted halupki. It was like Thanksgiving at the morgue.

Isn't it weird that both of the times I've been in the morgue I've made references to things smelling like food? This might explain why I'm not a "foodie" like some of the people that I know, eh? I sometimes feel that I've gotten the short end of the stick in the smelling/tasting department because I don't get as much pleasure out of food as most people. Or so it seems. I guess in this situation my deficiencies come in handy.

So, the only thing I've confirmed from this is that the morgue smells delicious!

Just wait until I see my first decomp case. I bet it smells like brownies and fresh baked bread! Okay, wishful thinking. Although, I'm hopeful that I'll find it less horrible than some of my colleagues.

So, the morgue was not too exciting, but one of the lectures today was. Topic? Auto-erotic deaths.

Okay, I've had lectures on this before, but never have they been as funny as the one that our CST gave today. She cracked me up, and quite possibly it was only funny if you were there, but I think this quote is humorous enough for everyone, so I will share:

"Don't use an electric sander to masturbate. It's baaaaaad. Just, you know, masturbate normally."

The lecture also included video footage of people who set up cameras to film themselves doing these acts and their safety devices failed resulting in accidental deaths. Most compressed their necks too far, passed out unconscious leaning on the rope, and then their bodies couldn't get enough oxygen and they died of hypoxia in muscle spasms. So, I actually watched people die today. That's something we never saw in school.

So, week one of crime scene school down, two more to go.

I like it so far, although I'm not learning too many new things yet. It's also nice to meet people from other departments and other labs… and spend all my money going out to lunch with them.

End Blog.

It's Morgue Day!

Heh... remember the last time I went to the morgue? What a fun day.

I promise if there are any good stories, I'll share them. Hopefully Kansas City will have something just as interesting as Fairfax County did.

End Blog.

Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday

I got my dinner comped tonight at Ruby Tuesday's because I found a hair in my meal.

My waiter was super nice and really rather good looking. I knew the hair wasn't his. His head was totally shaved. And when he looked at the hair, he apologized and said that it was really "nasty" and I shouldn't have to pay for it. Even though I found it after I'd eaten most of the food given to me.

I think I should start looking harder in my food for hair. I mean, we lose 100-150 head hairs daily, and that's not even counting any other body hairs. Or pet hairs. I find them in evidence all the time. I mean, I could start eating for free... especially when the hairs are so obviously not mine.

This incident hasn't turned me off of Ruby T. I'd go again. (The headline is misleading.)

End Blog.

It's 11pm

And whoever it is that lives above me is vacuuming.

Seems like out of common courtesy things like that shouldn't happen. I suppose that's one of the major downfalls about living in an apartment. That and paying rent and coming out of it owning absolutely nothing.

I think I'd really like a small house with a fenced in yard and a dog. Although, that seems very adult and probably hard to obtain. It's not like I have a lot of money and getting more loans doesn't seem like something I want to do anytime soon.

So, I guess I'll have to live with the late night vacuumers. I suppose I'm happy it's not something else I have to listen to. Like loud sex or Latino music like my old place.

Every cloud has a silver lining.

End Blog.

News Has Filtered Through My Bubble of Seclusion

Iraq's al-Qaida leader al-Zarqawi was killed. (Insert your own political statement here.) Sadly, I will miss hearing his name on the news. It was so gosh darn fun to say and I liked to repeat it.

I won't comment further on the war or willful acts of death.

End Blog.

Last Comic Standing

Damn! I accidentally fell asleep waiting for the show to come on Bravo tonight, and when I woke up, it was half over. I was impressed with some of the comics I saw. No one completely bombed or anything.

But I write this tonight because they cut to a scene backstage as the contestants were waiting for the results – and who do I see?

Was that Theo from MTV's Road Rules? Is he even funny? What was his stand up like?

I mean, I know it was him. But his name was listed on the screen as "Theo Von" instead of "Theodor Vonkurnatowski". Probably a good choice is he's going into show business.

But, here's the thing… he's been on the Road Rules show and like a million of the Real World/Road Rules type challenge shows. I know. I watch the marathons. I watch for Coral and Mike "The Miz" and Theo. He's currently staring on the newest challenge show called Fresh Meat.

How much more exposure does he need? And, couldn't he live off of MTV forever? There's no way he'll make as much money as a comic as he is with MTV. Plus, I've never seen him be funny anyway.

So, I wasn't really surprised when he didn't make it past the round that I saw. But now, I totally need to see a rerun or something. I MUST see his stand-up.

So that I can understand.

End Blog.

06/06/06

Woo! 666!

I hope lots of babies are born to superstitious Bible-thumping mothers today and it knocks them down a peg. I saw a news story about a woman who had a cesarean on the 5th so as not to "tempt fate".

Why? Because fate thinks she needs to raise the spawn of Satan and she disagrees?

How is it that so many people lack logic and good sensibility?

Sometimes I want to smack them over the head with a shovel.

Your baby is not the Devil.

Or… is it?


End Blog.

Self-Esteem Booster

The radio station I was listening on the way home from the grocery store (I remembered where it was and everything! My checkbook says I haven't been there since 4/23. Isn't that amazing?) tonight was playing things I haven't heard in a long time. I think it was 80s weekend or something. Anyway, they started playing Oh, Mickey.

I changed the words. All the Mickeys were Nikkis and all the guys were girls.

It's a fantastic song that way. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy that someone likes me enough to sing a song telling me not to break their heart.

And yes, I do realize what a loser that makes me.

On a completely unrelated side note:
I'd like to wish my bestest friend in the whole wide world the happiest birthday, ever.

And Big Peacocks. And lots of them.

End Blog.

Wise Millionaire Businessman

A businessman walks into a bank in Washington, DC and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan.

So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The businessman smiled and replied, "Where else in DC can I park my car for two weeks for only 15 bucks?"



What? I thought it was funny.

End Blog.

Firefly

I saw my first lightning bug of the season tonight. It's a comfort to know that they exist in Missouri too. You never know what you might be moving away from when you travel half way across the country. It's nice to see this wasn't one of them. The beginning of summer just wouldn't be the same without their friendly flashes in the evening dusk.

Although, I could live without mosquitoes. And spiders. And roaches.

Man, Missouri has some crazy big killer mutant cockroaches.

End Blog.

Traveling Companion

I find that when I travel for long distances, I get attached to traffic around me – especially cars that drive like I do - with cruise control set at or slightly above the speed limit. I traveled with a white pickup truck for probably over 80 miles last Friday and became very upset when we were finally separated at a traffic light right before my turn off onto TX 300.

He was my traveling companion for about an hour and a half. And even though we weren't speaking or going to the same place, it felt like we were traveling together.

And this, folks, is why I shouldn't travel all alone. Someone should keep my mind busy and distracted from making lasting bonds with complete strangers or I'll become devastatingly brokenhearted on every road trip I go on from now on.

And who knows what will happen if we end up at the same rest stop together. Probably magic and everlasting love. *Sprinkles fairy dust on the world*

End Blog.

Mischief Makers

I used the plural form of this word because I doubt that one person would have done this on their own.

While I was gone for the long weekend… someone had a birthday party in my apartment and then decided to hide some of my belongings. Now, seeing as how I just drove 10 hours and have dinner in front of me that I'm so hungry for, I might not have found all of the things that have been messed with. But, I've found 3 balloons, 5 cans of Dr Pepper, my remote, both of my framed Madonna pictures, two pillows, a blanket, and a Chinese menu that were either moved or added to my apartment. Plus an opened Diet Coke and a half finished can of Coke and post-it notes and a pen from my desk. And some random stuff on my bed/desk/dresser. There could be more.

I haven't opened all the cupboards or the dishwasher. I'm sure there will be other surprises seeing as how I haven't searched my whole apartment. I suppose if things that I never use or look at were moved, they might stay that way for a while.

I don't so much mind someone messing with my stuff or hiding it or moving it. I'm upset that I didn't get to hang out with the mischievous individual(s). I'd rather be surprised and come home to people than an unorganized mess. Did you lay down in my bed? Isn't it fantastic? Oh, and sorry I turned the air off. I didn't know you were coming.

But thanks for thinking about me anyway.

Payback's a bitch.

End Blog.

Homeward Bound

Yay! Multiple dog weekend!

Savvy, Rudy, Quila... I'll see you all soon!

*draws up evil plans to smuggle home a kidnapped dog*


End Blog.

Repent, Ye Sinners!

You're not going to believe this. I totally vacuumed.

The world is coming to an end.

Apocalypse is upon us all.

Save yourselves!


End Blog.

The Name of the Game is Procrastination

There are a whole bunch of things I should do tonight before leaving for the weekend. Like pack a bag, empty my fridge of things that shouldn't be in there anymore, take out my garbage, run the dishwasher, actually vacuum my carpet… But like… I don't wanna.

I still have one more day before I leave - and look, I already have a to-do list all written up. So, I'll do it tomorrow. Along with withdraw some cash from the bank and fill up my gas tank.

Okay, we all know I'm not getting around to vacuuming. Ever.

It's the thought that counts, isn't it? *Rolls around in own filth*

I'll do it all tomorrow. Really.

I mean it.

Except vacuuming.

End Blog.

Evil Seductress

Is it wrong that all I wanna do is sleep in this new bed of mine? I mean… I shouldn't, right? I should go about my normal daily human existence and be

Zzzzzzzzzz

The Ultimate Coyote Ugly Search

CMT has had a marathon on all day of this show. Women competing for the title to be the best Coyote Ugly and a chance to win $25,000. I can't describe what exactly is so entertaining about it, but I've watched it all day. Maybe it's because Lil Lovell is more fun to watch than Simon Cowell but is just as harsh sometimes.

Again, the curse of the marathon has been cast upon me.

Honestly, I don't know how to resist 8 hours of the same show in a row, especially when it ends with the final episode and there is closure. There's nothing worse than investing 8 hours in a show and not getting resolution. Yet, I'd still watch it anyway and then never see the season finale on it's regular date and time.

Do they have a Marathoner's Anonymous for something like this?

Kassie or Gina better win. Because I still don't like Amber.

End Blog.

Personified Magical Jewelry

I have three rings that I wear every day. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm a creature of habit. But when I don't wear them, it feels very odd. I have lost the ring I wear on my right pinky on several occasions, but somehow I've always managed to find it. It's been lost in the house in PA for like a year and reappeared out of nowhere. That one is still unexplainable. I've lost it in my bed sheets for a while. It's been lost in Target for about a week until I found it on the top shelf of Ziplock storage containers. And Janelle's mom has pointed it out to me on the floor of Kim's house once. It's been my magical ring that's always somehow found its way back to me. Maybe because it was like ten bucks and was supposed to be for a toe… and it was so grateful that I saved it from that horrible life. I'd be loyal after that too.

Recently, maybe three weeks ago, I lost the ring I consistently wore on my left hand. This is a completely different ring than what I wrote about above. It's expensive and was a gift from my parents. So, I figured when I lost it, it was gone forever. I made my peace with it and let it go.

Today, I found it in the washing machine. I halfheartedly looked in there when I realized it was gone, but figured that I had lost it earlier in the day and didn't try all that hard in that location. But again, a lost ring has found its way back to me. This one appears loyal too. I think it's because the stone in the middle somehow got cracked and it's no longer as beautiful as when it was purchased. But I still like it and no one really looks at rings that close anyway. So I've kept it and worn it everyday instead of putting it in a drawer and out of sight.

Logically I know that rings do not have personalities. In fact, I'm sure yours do not.

But mine love me.

Lots.

End Blog.

What's Your Sleep Number?

3 boxes weighing 47, 47 and 48 pounds

Containing:

4 frame beams
4 support beams
6 feet
12 washers
12 wing nuts
4 platforms
1 thingamabob
1 mattress base
4 support corners
4 foam boarders
2 air chambers
2 hoses
1 air pump
1 foam divider
1 zip on top of the mattress
2 sets of bad directions
0 extra parts

Plus:

1 bed skirt
1 mattress pad
1 fitted sheet
1 blanket
1 duvet cover
1 down comforter
4 pillows

Also featuring:

1 Wendy's double cheeseburger
2 Dr Peppers

And…

3 and a half hours later…

I have a fully assembled select comfort 3000 plush series queen sized bed. It's huuuuuuuge. I'm slightly frightened of it. I'm thinking of turning it into a jungle gym or something. It's this vast sea of blue fabric looming in the corner of my room. And it's tall. Who knew that 22 extra inches would feel like so much more bed? Not me.

But, I'm headed off to sleep. And regardless of the quality of this bed, I'm going to sleep well. Because it kicked my ass putting it together. I'm exhausted. And with luck, I shall wake up and not hurt at all.

May it be all I was hoping for and more.

End Blog.

PS - My Sleep Number is 20.

Miracle

I really don't know why it took me so long to see this movie. I mean, it has all the makings of something I'd want to see…

1. Sports movie. Woo!
2. Wait, no, better yet, hockey sports movie.
3. Do you even know how many times I've seen The Mighty Ducks?
4. I'm not joking. I love that movie.

Okay, fine, I'll tell you what you really want to know since I'm sure that you've been taking bets on it.

I cried on six different occasions during the course of this story. Six [6]! And I can't even tell you how many times I got all goosebumpily. (No, I made it up, but doesn't it sound cool?) Really, any sports movie will do it for me. Or you could blow somewhere in the vicinity of my neck or ear. Or, touch my neck for that matter. Oh, or play Melissa Etheridge's song I Run for Life. But, I digress.

The movie was well done. And I wasn't alive when the games were played in Lake Placid, but I felt like I could have been there. Not only was the hockey amazing, the accents were so wonderful, and they did their job with setting the political climate of the time. You were put into that little piece of history. Fabulous.

Superb movie.

Again, I'll say, I should have seen it much sooner.

I'm making a backup copy as I write this. Just in case. You know, should Blockbuster lose all of theirs, I can save the day.

End Blog.

ET Phone Home

Damn! My missions were thwarted by a friendly customer service rep!

I received a bill in the mail recently for my cancelled phone line back in DC. This made me angry. So, I called the 24 hour line at Verizon, only to be told that the 24 hour line was working on regular business hours, 8-5 EST.

When I finally got to talk to someone at Verizon two days later, I was going to discuss the 24 hour line with them. I needed answers. Why were they calling it a 24 hour line? Why not just call it the "10 Hour Line" or the "Number of Disappointment" or something else as fitting? I mean, after giving you their business hours, it actually hangs up on you. Not cool, Verizon.

So, I finally called this morning and actually got a person. He pulled up my account.

The account balance was zero.

Apparently, it's the mail's fault I'm getting bills. Well, okay, maybe not, I mean, Verizon did have my new address, they just didn't feel the need to use it and the mail service took a really long time to get it to me after rerouting it. But… considering I found out that I no longer owed anyone money… I kinda forgot to ask about the 24 hour line.

So, again, I am disappointed by it.

But, as it turns out, I can't hate Verizon. They have been a pretty good company to me. Although, the customer service at their wireless service rocks way more. Maybe they really never stop working for me.

Someday soon I'll find a deserving place to channel my hidden rage.

End Blog.

Far From Home

I moved really far away from all of my favorite people.

Tonight, I really miss them.


End Blog.

I Missed the Memo

Attn: Green Car Drivers

Congratulations! It's the day of the year you've all been waiting for. That's right, it's "Drive like an Asshole Day". But remember, this is for green car owners ONLY. Don't share the news with others.

Enjoy driving as much as you want today. Remember, anything goes!

Warmest regards,
The Powers That Be


Did something like this go out to everyone with a green car today? Because it sure as hell seemed like it.

And if so… why didn't I get one? C'mon! The Escape is Titanium Green! Sure, he might not be as dark as all those cars that were driving like maniacs, but don't cut him out of the loop. Henry might want to be an asshole on the road some days too.

End Blog.

Fantasy Ruined by Ugly Facts

Okay, so I signed up for the Blockbuster online whatever-it's-called-thing and have been getting movies sent to my apartment and getting an additional free rental every week at Blockbuster. Which is an awesomely sweet deal.

However, here's the issue: I keep getting frustrated when there's oh, let's say something at comes to me that I've been excited to see and the disc works for a little while until the DVD player reaches a damaged portion and stops completely, leaving me unfulfilled, frustrated and dissatisfied. You know, the things in life you're watching the movie to escape from.

Case in point – I just rented Jersey Girl. I'd heard relatively good things about it and I enjoy Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler together. They're the Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan of the younger generation. (And they all have 3 letter names.) Except Ben's hotter than Tom ever was and Meg's funnier than Liv could ever be. (Quick, someone make a Ben/Meg movie, stat!) But, anyway… cute movie. I get an hour and 31 minutes into it, when they're performing their big number from Sweeney Todd and… nothing. The disc won't play anymore.

Do you know how frustrating that is? After investing an hour and a half, I have no idea how the movie ends. What was the school's reaction to the song? What happened afterwards? Was there a Ben/Liv moment to end it? Did it have satisfying closure? Did he make the right decision? Did it end happily for him and Gertie?

I got no happy ending. I got nothing. I got annoyance and frustration.

So now what? Do I want to stick with Blockbuster? Am I thoroughly mad at them to consider switching to Netflix? Do they have the same problems? Will I miss the free weekly rentals in the store? Probably.

It's just a bummer when your escapism is totally ruined by reality, where things are imperfect and completely beyond your control. Reality sucks. It ruins my fantasy life daily.

Someone tell me what happens at the end of this movie. I hate not having proper closure.

End Blog.


Edited to Add:
Huh, will you lookit that. One of the cable movie channels is showing the end of this movie for me. Interesting twist, Karma. Interesting. Maybe I haven't lost all faith in reality quite yet.

Scientific Writing

Sucks. It's boring as hell to read, but that's what I've been doing for the past few days. I think I have eye strain or something. One of them is twitching.

Today, though, was the day I lost it at work. And, I wish that I had a good way to explain this to you so that you found it as intriguing/amusing as I do, but I'm afraid that the only way to really appreciate it would be to read like 900 pages of scientific writing on semen.

Regardless, I'm going to share with you the wording of one of the articles and let you decide for yourself what you think of it. At first, I thought… "Gross." This quickly led to, "Heh, okay, it's kinda funny," which, upon more reflection produced, "It's actually kinda poetic."

The article was discussing the persistence of semen in the vaginal cavity after forced intercourse and what was to be expected in the recovery of biological evidence after certain time periods had elapsed – or how long semen can persist in the female body after deposition. (By the way, it's way longer than you think.)

BUT… here's the grossly-funny-poetic part: instead of using "vaginal cavity" the writers used, and probably coined the term, "vaginal vault".

I'll give you a minute to think it over.

…*one minute passes*...

You thought:

Gross: Like it's locking away semen for safekeeping or something.

Funny: Because it brings about all sorts of other consequential double entendres about combination locks and breaking into the vault.

Poetic: Because it sounds so freakin' cool. Vaginal vault. It's an amazing alliteration, actually. I am most proud of the scientific writers for this - because how often can you be literary in scientific writing? Oh, never.

Of course, I'm currently delusional. But, having read this far, you probably already knew that.

End Blog.

The Bay Area's Seven Faults

I was reading the April 15th issue of Science News today at work. They had an article by Sid Perkins called "Region at Risk" about San Francisco and the major earthquakes in that area over the past, like, 400 years, paying particular attention to the one that happened in 1906. They went on to say that they can't really predict when "The Big One" will hit, but considering the fact that there are 7 major fault lines in the area, they're 62% sure that an earthquake with a magnitude of at least a 6.7 will happen before the year 2032.

And of the seven faults they point out to us graphically, the one with the highest chance of actually rupturing is Hayward Fault – at 27%. Please note its location below:



This fault line just happens to be the one that runs through Oakland, parallel to the more famous San Andreas Fault. I bring this up because family members live in Oakland and recently bought real estate that could possibly crumble to the ground within the next 26 years. (See the location of the arrow below for future possible family owned rubble.)



I just thought I'd let them know that the scientific community thinks they're screwed.

I only bring this up because I know that with my luck, all the tornadoes in the Midwest will pass me by without any harm. But with her luck, the biggest earthquake of the century will certainly happen like, right under my sister's car - where the four mile buffer distance between her house and the fault line will do her no good, since she's driven four miles from home and is now right over the Hayward Fault.

I am more scientifically convinced of this than the percentages listed above. I don't know when it'll happen... but when it does, she'll be there.

And then Superman will fly around the world backwards.


End Blog.

The Best Things In Life Are Free

Dear Blog,

Today was an awesome day. We went to a Royals game for free (they lost horribly), we went to Worlds of Fun for what felt like free on our season passes (twenty-five cent cotton candy!), and then I got my weekly free rental from Blockbuster online.

Free.

It just feels good.

Remember when I had like, absolutely no money and I never got anything for free? Me too.

I suppose being an "adult" and not a "poor grad student" does have its perks. Although… don't call me that to my face. I'm still in denial.

Yours Forever Young,
Nik

End Blog.

LVC Moved My Greenhouses

Okay, they weren't mine. But I spent a summer watering those damn things and they just went and moved them across the street without asking me. I suppose you no longer need a key to Garber to water them. What a bummer. It was cool to have a key to the science building for a few months.

Man, did you read these last two posts? I'm such a freakin' nerd.

I even had a conversation today about which would get you less wet: running or walking through the ran. At least I wasn't the one who had read a scientific study about it. You know what they found? They're equal. Although... the conversation afterwards on how they managed to measure it and the actual set up was much more nerdy. And what about factors like how hard the rain falls? Is there an optimum speed for you to move? Do they take into account water splashing up from running?

It all depends on distance, speed of movement, rate of rainfall, and time. I mean, running should cause you to intersect more raindrops per second than walking, but will take less time to cover a certain distance. So, less raindrops per second but more time in the rain, or more raindrops per second and less time in the rain? I still think that there are too many variables to definitively determine the answer to this question. This was the consensus all around.

But at least everyone else I work with is just as nerdy as I am. It's nice to fit into a group. I'm way more appreciated now than I ever was at Target. No one there seemed to care about science. Or, for that matter... logic.

End Blog.


(I looked this up online since I'm a such a good nerd. If it's a light rain, you're only going to be 10-16% drier if you run rather than walk. However, in heavy rain, you'll stay somewhere between 30-50% drier if you run. So, the greatest benefit occurs when you are running in heavy windy and rainy conditions. Which makes sense because you're more likely to run then anyway. I think humans knew this innately. I only run in heavy rain... when someone's chasing me. End Blog II.)

Skills. Mad Skills.

I totally rocked my cell ID test today. Skin particles, human body, head and pubic hair, animal hair, spermatozoa and epithelial cells. Go me. I identified them all.

And I'd like to point out that I still find it completely amazing that you can spit on a paper towel, let it dry, package it up as evidence, and I'm still able to recover your epithelial cells from it.

At first I was all… what the hell is this? It was a dry paper towel with no apparent evidentiary value whatsoever. Under the stereoscope it looked boring and ordinary. But you could tell that it had at one point been wet in a spot. So, I looked at it under an alternate light source and got zilch. No fluorescence. Totally unremarkable. Unable to figure out anything else I could possibly do, I decided to make a smear of that area of the paper towel on a clean slide… and sure enough… epithelials. He totally spit on a paper towel as part of my competency test.

I was so proud of myself that I figured it out.

I hope that my job always keeps me this fascinated. I know, I know… I have such a simple mind – captivated by spit.

End Blog.

Homelessness

I was in the shower this morning looking forward to lunch today and I figured something out - A plan for my future should something go horribly wrong. If I ever become homeless, I think I'd live behind a Chipotle and eat out of their dumpsters. Because, just think about how many people throw food away there...

Man, that'd be heaven. Free, slightly used Chipotle.

Well, except for the homeless and dumpster part. But I think I could get over the slightly used bit, 'cause... aren't we all? *pets half eaten burrito* It's okay. Mommy's here.

End Blog.

Today's Annoyances

I wrote a blog and stupid Microsoft Word shut down on me. I lost it. Auto recover recovered something else I had opened, but not my blog entry. And it was a lovely one, too. It was about how I rocked at work and totally impressed my boss. It even had a part in there about how I still had my fingers and the frostbite didn't take them. Alas, you'll never know the details because I don't feel like writing all of it again. Instead, I will complain. I know, I can hear you all screaming, "YAY!!" right this very minute.

Stupid Word. It pisses me off like that regularly.

Meanwhile, in the world of online rentals… Blockbuster screwed up. I decided that I wanted to see the old 70s series, Wonder Woman, with Lynda Carter and I rented season one. Unfortunately, they sent disc two before disc one. I'm saddened, but figure that it's okay… and I'm just going to watch them out of order because I've been looking forward to it. I open the disc to find that the sleeve is labeled disc two, but disc three is actually inside. Way to go quality control!

I sigh. Fine. No big deal, I'm already watching them out of order.

So, I put it in and begin watching a fantastic adventure where Captain What's-His-Face and Diana are on their way to Argentina to recover some awesome formula from a scientist before the Nazi's get it. (She's fluent in Spanish and is going as a translator although everyone speaks English like, the entire time.) Before I hit the 40 minute mark of the episode, the disc craps out. I can't watch a scene without it stuttering and I can't just skip over the bad parts. It completely won't play and I can't even clean it off.

"That operation is currently prohibited." Annoying.

Grumble.

All I wanted was a little seventies cheesy super hero action. Is that too much to ask for? It seems so.

Harrrumph. *pouts and crosses arms*

So, I decide that I'll watch the other movie I have rented. Seven. Because I haven't seen it forever and I have a newfound respect for detective/crime movies. Plus, I really wanted to see the scene where they bust into that apartment and see all the car air fresheners hanging from the ceiling. You know, the ones shaped like trees. Yeah, apparently there was a crime scene like that in Kansas City a while back. People at work were telling me about it last Friday. Car air fresheners and Fabreeze don't really cover up the smell of rotting people, by the way.

Anyway… that movie didn't disappoint. But, there was a scene that irked me. Brad Pitt buttons his shirt from the bottom button up. Do lots of people do that? I start at the top and go down. It bothered me.

Which way do you button your shirt? And c'mon Brad… learn to tie a freakin' tie already. Be a man. Even I know how to do that.

You know what? Maybe it's just Brad Pitt. Man, that guy totally irks me. Oh, and why would you leave Jennifer Aniston anyway? For Angelina? Sure, she's hot and has a crazy sexy vibe, but long term? Jenny's the way to go.

One thing I know for sure - Brad Pitt is no Jake Gyllenhaal. For sure. And Jake… I'd prefer it if you not button your shirt at all. Thanks.

End Blog.

(Seriously, how does Jake keep slipping in here? And how many more times can I mention him before you stop reading?)

Voluntary Frostbite

Today we filed a bunch of older case evidence in the walk-in freezer. And when I say a bunch, I mean a whole bunch. Case files are numbered by year and filed chronologically. There are roughly close to a bajillion already in the freezer. Roughly.

It takes a few minutes to find the right location for some of these items to be filed, and since I'm really SUPER great with numbers (note the sarcasm), it takes me a little longer. I gotta double check it so it gets into its proper home. So, we were in there a while. (And by we, I mean me and my boss because we're still the only people in trace right now.)

So…picture me standing in a huge freezer, looking at numbers while my mind slows down because of the cold. And then my fingers stop working because latex gloves offer no protection from arctic, frigid temperatures. Then, eventually, the only thing the fingers can feel is pain.

I had to take two breaks to warm up and then get back at it. You know, just a few minutes to thaw out before subjecting my poor fingers to that torture again.

Now, I know you're probably thinking "You're such a wimp, Nikki. It's just a freezer. It's not that cold." If you are thinking this, well, then you would be wrong. The walk in freezer is -23 degrees Celsius. And for some crazy reason, it's even kinda windy in there. (For those of you unfamiliar with the conversion, that's -9.4 degrees Fahrenheit.)

It's freakin' cold. It's worse than shoving your bare hands in a pile of snow for three minutes.

I think I got frostbite at work in the middle of April. Tomorrow all my fingers are going to fall off and I'll never be able to type a blog again.

End Blog. (Probably forever.)

Trace Section Supervisor

I was the supervisor of everyone in the trace section for an hour today. I supervised… well… me. Because I was the only one working in my section. I suppose that's the only way that the least senior member of the team can be a supervisor though.

I thought about running amok, but didn't want to have to blame myself. So, I settled for turning up the radio really loud and muttering to myself, "Amok, amok, amok!" That felt pretty good. Then I finished the case I was working on and sent an analysis submission to the DNA section.

I'm a good, responsible Trace Section Supervisor.

That sounds super cool, doesn't it, Jake Gyllenhaal?

*bats eyelashes*

End Blog.

PS - "Amok, amok, amok!" Points will be awarded to whoever names the movie this quote comes from and the actress that said it!

I Wish I Could Quit You

Jake Gyllenhaal is the perfect man.












I need not say more.


End Blog.

Untraceable

The only people that are going to be in the trace section at work on Monday are me and my boss. Everyone else will be attending a class of some sort... or their contract ran out.

Guess I couldn't ask for more attention, eh?

I have found out several things recently:
1. I'm going to crime scene school for three weeks in early June.
2. I'm going to Chicago for a polarized light microscope training class the 17-21 of July.
3. We're most likely having an advanced polarized light microscope training session sometime in October, assuming we get funding for it. It'll be in Jefferson City, MO.

Yay! Learning for free. What a concept.

And getting sent to Chicago? For free? How cool is that?

I couldn't love my job more. Well, I could if they paid me more, gave me lots of vacations, and let me sleep in late. But... I looked for that job. It doesn't exist.

And the lotto's just so gosh darn hard to win.

End Blog.

Tragic April

Today in history in 1999, the deadliest school shooting in US history occured at Columbine High School in Littleton, CO. 13 people were killed and 23 were wounded.

Do you remember where you were?

I came home from school and turned on the TV and the news was on every channel. It was senior year. It was a Tuesday. I remember it well.

Come to think of it, April is a pretty tragic month:

Pope John Paul II's death happened on the 2nd.
MLK Jr. was assassinated on April 4th.
Abraham Lincoln was assassinated on April 14th.
The Titanic sank the 14-15th.
The San Francisco earthquake of 1906 happened on the 18th.
LA rioted after the Rodney King verdict on the 19th in '92 and in '93 on that day the Branch Davidian siege in Waco, TX came to its bloody end. Then, on the same day in '95 there was a bombing in Oklahoma City at the Alfred P Murrah Federal Building.
Shakespeare died on April 23rd.
Oh, and Chernobyl's nuclear "accident" took place on the 26th.

Although, I suppose the most tragic of all the things that happened in April was probably the birth of my sister on the 22nd. Haha! Wooo! Zing!

That was an excellent build-up and punchline.

I'm awesome. I should probably link her to this, eh?

End Blog.

This was done with much love. Really.

The Job

My entire morning was spent editing and updating my case reports after they had been rejected by peer review. Which, I totally expected to happen because I didn’t have a whole lot of instruction on how to report results. I think that’s mostly going to be a trial and error thing since I don’t know all the usual ways the place does things.

Like, you can’t say that you sent something to DNA for further analysis. You have to state that it was sent to “the DNA section” for further analysis. Like I would know such a thing. So, most of my reports had to be slightly modified today before they could be approved for release. Not that there was anything wrong with what I had done, it was just regarding proper wording and sentence structure issues.

Can you imagine? Like I ever have issue with sentence structure. I mean, everything I write is always a complete sentence. Totally. All the time. Completely complete.

So, that was a good three hours of my day. I’m not sure how it could have possibly taken so long… but it did. Then I did some more casework and I have two more reports to write now. Hopefully they’ll be approved the first time. We shall see how that goes now that I know a few more of the rules.

Oh, and get this – they’re letting me work parts of a homicide. Isn’t that insanity? I’ve been there for a month and a half and they’re giving me evidence from a homicide.

People in DNA (oh, sorry, “the DNA section”) don’t touch actual casework for 9-12 months. People in the fingerprint section don’t touch casework for a full year. I, however, got thrown right onto a homicide. I mean… sure, I’ve had the training that I needed for it… but still…

It’s a little intimidating. But also really awesome. Turns out, I’m super happy I’m in trace and not fingerprints. Way to go, KCPD.

End Blog.

Bastards!

Imagine my surprise this morning as I was driving to work when I saw that the 14 cent "Wednesday Price Hike" came a day early. Eyes bugged out, jaw dropped… they fooled me!

Damn them. Not because I’m surprised to see gas at $2.73 a gallon. I just thought I had them finally figured out since they had consistently done it on a Wednesday for so many weeks in a row.

I think they must read my blog.

I’m certain I’m that popular.

And in that case… I’m going to start a boycott someday when you least expect it. You’ll see, Big Oil! You haven’t seen the last of me!!

End Blog.

Happy Birthday Savvy!

My dog is turning 5 today. The big 3-5 in puppy years. Better start looking for those grey hairs...

Luckily, she got to spend time on the ranch to celebrate. I hope that she's happy and that Mom and Dad didn't forget to do something special for her. Because... more reason for me to steal her away in the darkness of night if they have.

She may live with them... but she's still my dog.

Savvy, I'll be there at the end of May. If you decide you'd like to come home with me, pack up your stuff. You're always welcome. =)

End Blog.

Madonna

I have lots of Madonna music. I won't go so far as to say that I have every song she's ever made, but I do have some that weren't released on an album and I have the plethora of songs from movie soundtracks. Currently, my winamp has 16 hours, 39 minutes and 37 seconds of Madonna goodness on it. That's 207 songs, some of which are repeats because they are live performances or remixes. Also, there are the cover songs she's done (Fever, American Pie, etc.) and the ones she's translated into Spanish (Veras, Lo Que Siente La Mujer). This is also not counting music from Evita, or Santa Baby - as far as I know, the only Christmas song she's covered.

In short, I love Madonna. So, here are some interactive goodies for you to play with. Only 122 days until her next birthday!

My results:



Which Madonna Personality are you? Take the Quiz.


~or~


Take the Which Madonna video Are You? Quiz





You're more intelligent than 90% of the people you interact with. Academic and witty, you are an avid reader and thinker. You are artsy-fartsy and creative, and you have been or will be deeply inspired by the book, "Memoirs of a Geisha" and are fascinated with oriental culture and history. Many write you off as a geek, but don't listen to them. You have trouble relating to the "club-scene" and want a partner who's interested by the same topics as you. And remember: love is all we need.


~or~

What Madonna Song are You?

You are POWER OF GOODBYE..... You're sappy and sentimental, but very observant of human behavior. You're logical, but your heart takes over your head sometimes. Take some advice, go have a holiday and cheer up!
Take this quiz!

Go ahead. You know you want to. Deep down everyone loves Madonna.

End Blog.

Happy Jesus is a Zombie Day!

Many people don't really think about it, but the best thing about claiming Jesus is a Zombie is that all the Christians can't get mad at me. Because it's exactly what they believe. See?

Romans 14:9
For to this end Christ both died, and rose, and revived, that he might be Lord both of the dead and living.

Matthew 28:7
And go quickly, and tell his disciples that he is risen from the dead...

Wow, that was the only time quoting The Bible has ever been fun.


Don't worry. Jesus was probably a great guy. I'm sure he thinks it's funny too.

End Blog.

Nerds Are Cool

Overall, you scored as follows:

11% scored higher (more nerdy) and 89% scored lower (less nerdy).

Your nerdiness is:
High-Level Nerd.
You are definitely MIT material, apply now!



Dude... it's a multiple choice test. We know how much I can't resist them. *pushes up glasses*

Oh, and the only reason I didn't score higher is because I don't personally get science magazines. But... work does! So, I get to read 4 different ones. And because Blackwell is the very first name in the mailbox system there... I get to read them all before anyone else upstairs.

Yeah! *Embraces Nerdiness*

End Blog.

Finding Trouble

I went out and shot some pool tonight, in addition to standing around and watching other people shoot pool… which, worked as I’d hoped and I was invited to play with some other people. I met a seemingly nice guy, his best friend, and his sister and played a few games with the three of them.

But, he’s not what I’m looking for. And he made a comment about wanting to move to San Francisco some day, but not caring for the large gay population in the area. He also dissed Janis Joplin. The only comment he apologized for was the one about Janis Joplin. You know, the one I didn’t care about.

There’s definitely a difference between here and DC. I suppose that’s the one thing that I liked about the place. It was filled with all of the misfits and outcasts who couldn’t stand the intolerant people populating the land, so they aggregated and made a crazy city and hiked up real estate prices so only the people who really truly wanted to be there would find a way to stay.

I’m hopeful I’ll find my out-pocketing of misfits here. Maybe on an island. With toys. And a dentist elf.

End Blog.

Good Friday

The Police really know how to celebrate. They had a barbeque today at the credit union over the lunch hours. Hot dogs and hamburgers on Good Friday. I applaud them for this.

If I follow that silly no eating meat rule, it’s purely by accident. Some little things have held over from the Methodist upbringing… you know, like still loving Christmas (although it’s mostly more for Santa and Comet than Jesus).

But this is one thing I’m happy to not participate in any more.

Because today I got good food for next to nothing! And, I gotta tell you… I don’t know what’s happened to me recently but… I love hot dogs. I think that the quality of hot dogs in the Midwest must be like, twelve levels above what they try to pass off as hot dogs on the east coast.

Dear East Coasters,
I’m sorry your hot dogs suck. If you ever find yourself in KC, buy a hot dog even if you don’t generally like them. And if you do like the crappy hot dogs you’re used to, I have no doubt that Midwestern hot dogs will be orgasmic. Just some friendly advice.
Hugs and Kisses,
Nikki

And, hey, if it’s still Good Friday as you read this… go have a hot dog and think about Jesus.

Blasphemy! I know. I'm full of ways to disappoint Jesus.

End Blog.

A Random 30 Questions

Q: WHO'S THE 4TH PERSON ON YOUR RECEIVED CALL LIST?
A: Tom O’Neill

Q: WHAT'S YOUR MAIN RINGTONE ON YOUR PHONE?
A: Ring 3. I could not be more boring. Well, yes I could. I could have ring 1 or ring 2.

Q: WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT?
A: Talking to Mel, Mary Beth and Jeanna on IM when I should have been going to bed.

Q: WHAT DID THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE ON YOUR CELL PHONE SAY?
A: “Katie’s wedding was pretty. She was cute. We’re headed to the reception to get smashed.”

Q: WHOSE BED DID YOU SLEEP IN LAST NIGHT?
A: My own. Someday it’ll be the guest bed. And I’ll have a big huge comfy one for me. That I’ll let my guests sleep in because no one wants to sleep in the bed I’m currently sleeping in. Not even me.

Q: WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
A: Olive green. I used to think it was the ugliest crayon color as a kid. My, times have changed.

Q: MOST RECENT MOVIE THAT YOU WATCHED?
A: Dawn of the Dead.

Q: NAME 3 THINGS THAT YOU HAVE ON YOU AT ALL TIMES? (This shouldn’t be a question mark.)
A: A pair of gold hoop earrings (2) and silver and blue Fossil watch. I even sleep and shower with them. So, really, we are talking at all times.

Q: WHAT'S THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEETS?
A: Olive green and cream. At least the bottom sheet is. I don’t believe in top sheets. My blankets are cream and blue. Yes, I realize they don’t match. But, it’s a comfort issue not an aesthetic one.

Q: HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOU RIGHT NOW?
A: $139.30. Because I have a job where I make money!

Q: What is your favorite part of the chicken? (Did you notice the change from all caps? What’s with that?)
A: The drumstick. Because I like the name. And yes, I did notice the switch from all caps. It really bothered me, although, not enough to actually change it.

Q: What's your favorite town/city?
A: I’m totally diggin’ KC. Lots. I don’t think I have a favorite town otherwise. Anyplace but DC.

Q: I can't wait to (til)...?
A: Sometime in May, probably around Memorial Day. Because there will be a drive to Texas to get my car inspected and I’ll get to see my dog. It’s been over a year. Oh, and my parents will be there too. Yeah.

Q: When was the last time you saw your mom?
A: March 1,2006 at like… 5:30am. I think.

Q: When was the last time you saw your dad?
A: See above.

Q: When was the last time you talked to them?
A: Actual talking? No idea. But like, just a few days ago on IM.

Q: What did you have for dinner LAST NIGHT?
A: Mashed potatoes. Yes, that’s a meal. And, dude, the caps are freakin’ me out.

Q: How long have you been at your current job?
A: 29 work days.

Q: Look to your left. What's there?
A: My briefcase which is sitting on top of my bed.

Q: Who is the last person you spent over $50 on?
A: Besides myself? No one. I spent over $50 last weekend to go see Brenda, but that wasn’t specifically on her. It was for like… food and gas. Although, I did purchase a $28 Chipotle order for people in withdrawal. Mmm Chipotle. Gotta share the joy.

Q: What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed from someone?
A: I don’t borrow clothing. Bren and I traded shirts… that’s probably the last thing I’ve worn of someone else’s.

Q: What website(s) do you visit the most during the day?
A: Google. There are many things that I do not know.

Q: Do you have an air freshener in your car?
A: No, that would ruin the new car smell. Although I can’t smell it, other people seem to enjoy it.

Q: Do you have plants in your room?
A: I have a plant in my back bedroom but not in mine.

Q: Does anything hurt on your body right now?
A: yeah, now that you mention it, my neck/shoulders. Are you coming to fix that?

Q: What city was your last taxi cab ride in?
A: Washington, DC. The night Howie Day didn’t show up to his concert. I’m still bitter.

Q: Do you own a camera phone?
A: No, I do not. In fact, I was given a dollar to use this phone, that’s how cheap it is.

Q: What's your favorite Starbucks drink?
A: Caramel Macchiato.

Q: Recent time you were really upset?
A: Sunday through Tuesday morning.

Q: Who do you think will repost this?
A: Probably no one. Unless they’re really bored. Maybe if I say Beth she’ll be guilted into doing it. So… Beth. And Erin. She should do it too.

End Blog

Perspective

Today in history (April 13), Commander James Lovell spoke the infamous words, "Houston, we've got a problem," aboard the ill-fated flight of Apollo 13.

And, like... you thought you had a bad day.

Makes a good arguement against the number 13, eh?

End Blog.

Gas Was 88 Cents the Day I Got My License

I have often wished that I had a way to see into the future, limited only to a few days and specifically for the purpose of knowing what the gas prices will be – lest I accidentally ruin something important. (You know how time travel can be tricky like that.)

But, as it turns out, I no longer need such a fancy device. Why, you ask? Because I’ve learned a fundamental truth of the universe.

Gas prices go up on Wednesdays.

So, regardless of the level of your fuel tank on Tuesday night, fill it. You will thank me when you arrive home from work the following day with a relatively full tank of gas and pass a station advertising a fourteen cent price hike for the same product you bought the night before. Fourteen cents!

This plan would not have failed you for the past four weeks. The theory of “The Wednesday Hike” is a very good one, although I have no idea what the oil companies are doing Tuesday nights. (Kegger?)

But, since gas prices are $2.63 here, I thought I’d do a little internet research to make myself feel better. So I looked up what the gas prices are in DC! They range between $2.91 and $3.02 a gallon.

I was right. That did make me feel better.

And for even cheaper gas, we could move to Utah, Wyoming, Idaho or Montana. Or, for some God-unknown reason… New Jersey. Despite the strange laws making it illegal for you to pump your own gas (since 1949), their prices are way cheaper than the surrounding states. You’d think that they would raise prices to help pay for the people they must employ, but obviously this is not a factor involved in pricing.

And, for those of you interested, Oregon has the same full-service program set in place (since 1951), where only gas station professionals can administer fuel into the tank. Although, they don’t have the added advantage of super cheap gas like NJ does.

Some people think these laws should be revised. However, the residents in these states have never pumped their own gas and therefore do not know how. I, for one, don't think we should give them the privilege. Obviously there is some reason the policymakers enacted the law in the first place. You know, like, their states are filled with incompetent morons. (C’mon, don’t be angry, morons encompass the planet. I’m just stating the obvious. At least your lawmakers recognized this fact while the rest of the states elected their morons.)

Can you imagine? I mean… pumping gas is really complicated and hard to learn. They’d have to all take a class and be given demonstrations. The costs would be astronomical. Besides, I don’t think they could handle it. They think they’re too good to pump their own gas now, anyway. They’ve been spoiled. Even if we did teach them, they’d never do it.

In fact, I’ve never heard people from either of these states ever complain about having someone else do it for them. It’s only been whining about doing the actual manual labor themselves when they find they are no longer in their homeland and… oh, would I be a dear and please do it for them?

You can’t really blame them, though. I mean, who really wants to get out of their car on a cold and/or blazing hot day to pump gas when they don’t have to?

The only people that have a problem with this whole “you-can’t-pump-your-own-gas” thing are people from the other 48 states (and probably every other country with cars). Because we think it’s our God-given right to pump gas. Yet, we’d be pissed off if the pizza stopped being delivered or we were bothered with the inconvenience of going into a building instead of the drive thru.

I'm sure New Jersey and Oregon aren't going to apologize for the convenience anytime soon.

Aaaaanyway....

Based on these facts – cheap gas and never having to pump it – New Jersey sounds like a wonderful place.

In theory. =)

End Blog.

Madonna X-Static Process

I could listen to this song on repeat for days. It’s both sad and empowering for some reason and seems to help put me in a better mood anytime I’m down. I remember listening to this song endlessly when I moved to DC at the end of 2003. And now, after moving again… it still sits well with me. I have no idea why this of all songs is my comfort song. But it is. It soothes the rough edges.

And if I ever learned to play the guitar, I think I’d be happy only ever learning this one song. Although, I need a singing partner if I were to ever sing it, seeing as how she likes to make verses that overlap. I think it’s specifically so she can’t perform those songs live in concert principally to piss me off. (Can’t think of another? How ‘bout Rain?)

How I’d love to hear this one live, though. Madonna, a guitar, a stool, and a spotlight. Heck, I’ll even let her sit on the edge of the stage. No background singers, no dancers… just this song. Perfection. Alas… I can’t even go to her next concert because the closest she’s coming is to Chicago and in the middle of the week. You know… when I actually have money to go see her, it's impossible for me to do so.

Lyrics:

I'm not myself when you're around
I'm not myself standing in a crowd
I'm not myself and I don't know how
I'm not myself, myself right now

Jesus Christ, will you look at me?
Don't know who I'm supposed to be
Don't really know if I should give a damn
When you're around, I don't know who I am

I'm not myself when you go quiet
I'm not myself alone at night
I'm not myself, don't know who to call
I'm not myself at all

Jesus Christ, will you look at me?
Don't know who I'm supposed to be
Don't really know if I should give a damn
When you're around, I don't know who I am

I always wished that I could find
Someone as beautiful as you
But in the process I forgot
That I was special too

(Contemporaneously)

I'm not myself when you're around

I'm not myself when you go quiet

(Contemporaneously)

I'm not myself all alone at night

I'm not myself standing in a crowd

I'm not myself and I don't know how

(Contemporaneously)

I'm not myself, myself right now

Don't know what I believe

Jesus Christ, will you look at me?
Don't know who I'm supposed to be

(Contemporaneously)

Don't really know if I should give a damn
Someone say if I should give a damn

When you're around, I don't know who I am

I always wished that I could find
Someone as beautiful as you
But in the process I forgot
That I was special too
I always wished that I could find
Someone as talented as you
But in the process I forgot
That I was just as good as you


I love you, Mo.

End Blog.

Postponing the Afterlife With Pop

I wanted to share this conversation I had recently with all of you, but I had to sort of recreate it since there was no way I was to know at the time that it’d end up being so hilarious (to me at least).

Saturday night, the Anderson residence.
A conversation between Nikki and Beth:
(Don't worry, you’ll be able to tell who’s who.)


I try not to drink that much soda.

I could never give up Dr Pepper. I love it too much. It makes me happy.

You’re an addict.

I am not.

The first step is admitting you have a problem. *

It’s not a problem. It’s good for you.

No, it’s not. Why do you think I feel guilty every time I drink a Coke?

I don’t know. Why? Soda’s good for you.

No, it’s not.

Yes, I bet the first ingredient is water. *Points to can in her hand* See? Carbonated water.

That’s not water.

Yes, it is. Water fortified with carbon. You have to get it from somewhere.

Carbon dioxide? You could get that from breathing.

*Continues reading ingredients* High fructose corn syrup and/or sugar. Goooood stuff. Carmel color, phosphoric acid, artificial and natural flavors. See, there are natural things in here. Sodium benzoate.

You don’t need that!

Yeah, I do. It’s a preservative. You’ll totally be sorry when I live longer than you. *Reads more* Caffeine. That’s the last ingredient - and I need caffeine.

No, you don’t need it. C'mon, need? See, you’re addicted.

Yes, but I need it because I’ll be living much longer than you.


My logic rocks.
End Blog.

*You can say the words and still not think it's a problem.

This Boggles the Mind

Study Fails to Show Healing Power of Prayer

~or~

The Most Poorly Designed Medical Study Ever

While I don't disagree with the results, I hate how the study was performed. Didn't these people ever have a science class, like... ever? There are so many variables and confounding factors present in the study I don't even know how it was published or any conclusions were drawn.

And if the subjects believed in spritual healing, there's no way they weren't praying for themselves. So, why not just say there's over a 50 percent chance that you'll have post-surgical complications, no matter what you do?

This leads to few plausible conclusions, but here's what I'm going to go with since they got to draw conclusions from their stupid study I'm going to as well:
1. The reason you're in the hospital is most likely because it's your turn to die.
or
2. There isn't a God listening to anyone's prayers, should they be yours, those of your close friends or family, or perfect strangers praying on your behalf in the religious community.

You know who this is the worst news for? Not those who just went through surgery. It's the people who are leaders in the religious community. They were just told they were maybe only 50 percent effective. But then again... so were the doctors.

Guess it just goes to show that it doesn't matter how you try to fight for someone's life.

Oh, Man. Did I just make a case for fate? Crap.

End Blog.

Job Titles

I’ve decided I want to change my job title from “Criminalist” to “Crime Fighter” simply because it sounds more superhero-y. I never wanted to be a superhero when I was little, but now that I’ve grown up into my full adulthood maturity level, I’m sure that’s what I want to do. Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman… I recognize these people as my peers.

And since I’m not from another planet, don’t have cool powers or gadgets, and definitely don’t have millions of dollars, this is the best I can do. But, when you think about it… abstractly… that’s totally what I do now. I’m a superhero crime fighter.

I’m gonna see if I can get that on my business card.

End Blog.

Blast from the Past

Today during my reading I came across a biology term that sent me right back to freshman bio, finals week, when I was helping J cram for our last exam. We were sitting on my dorm room floor, going through our notes on reproduction. And as I was explaining it, I was talking with my hands – which for some reason seemed to help – and I made up hand signals for all the vocab words that were hard to remember.

Turns out, I still remember what the one for zona pellucida* is, and it made me smile. Not because I was especially fond of the material, but because I know that I helped J pass that test remarkably well.

What a lovely little memory of our first year as friends.

I miss you, kid.

Oh, and I also hate you because you are on a cruise right now. You better make sure you eat some for me, too.

End Blog.

*Zona pellucida – a thick transparent envelope that surrounds a developing ovum, allowing only one sperm cell through to fertilize the egg

What The Hell?

Lebanon Valley College is tiny and in the middle of nowhere. I’m nearly positive, besides paying the professors, the only things they spend money on are building new dorms, renovating the old buildings, building completely useless bridges, tearing down trees, and landscaping. It’s a very beautiful place but I know they have tons of extra money that they are hoarding. They don’t like to throw it away on student affairs, but I have no idea what they're planning on using it for.

Even though there’s nothing to do.

LVCers have always just figured out how to entertain themselves. This involved a lot of time at Wal-Mart since it was the only place open 24 hours, driving to Harrisburg for actual entertainment, or drinking alcohol – which all college students universally enjoy.

The biggest thing to ever hit the school was the once a year party weekend we liked to call “Spring Arts”. I’m still not sure where the art part came in. I guess it was because we’d have live local bands come play for us and music is art.

Throughout college, it was the most awesome weekend every year. And we enjoyed our little college party, even if they tried to change the name and the image our senior year to “The Cherry Blossom Festival”. (The trees that were torn out were all replaced with one million ornamental cherry trees.)

Well, they’ve gone and changed the name again since hiring a new president. This time it’s being called “Valleyfest”. I approve of this change, as the weekend always was a big party. But… here’s the big news:

We only ever had local bands or cover bands because the school doesn’t spend money on such trivial things. Or they don’t fundraise enough for this major event – whatever the case may be. And while we complained a bit knowing that other colleges had big name headliners, we understood that we were a small school and things like that just didn’t happen in the middle of nowhere central Pennsylvania.

That being said… are you ready for this?

The fucking Gin Blossoms are going to play at Valleyfest.

Well, Hey Jealousy!

My world has just imploded. I no longer understand who I am or where I came from. My school? No way. They’re also having The Starting Line perform the night before. They sing The Best of Me. I love that song. You should download it.

Oh, and to the town of Annville: You can kiss LVC's collective ass and shove your noise ordinances where the sun don’t shine. You've been a college town since 1866. Probably the year most of you were born.

LVC just keeps getting better without me. Better Spring Arts, renovated Garber Science Center, new psychology department.

I still do not believe this. Insane. The love for my undergrad continues to grow beyond all plausibility.

End Blog.

April is Panda Month

You know who I don’t hear about anymore? Tai Shan, my little Butterstick.

Now, those of you who don’t live in DC are probably saying “Who’s Tai Shan?” and those of you who do live in DC are probably saying, “Dude, he’s still on the news every single night.” (Not that people in DC regularly use the word “Dude”, and for that we can all hate them a little bit more.)

The National Zoo's giant panda, Mei Xiang, gave birth to her cub, Tai Shan, on July 9, 2005. Since then, he has been on the news, I swear, every single night. They had an entire voting system in place for choosing his name. There are tickets to see him and dinners in his honor.

But you know what? It was a cute news story every night and probably the only one that ever made me happy. I’ve never been a really big fan of pandas. That is, until that cute little guy. Man, that’s one adorable cub.

I will always remember his first exam when he was still nameless and they were describing his size as that of a stick of butter. So for many of us in DC at the time, he will always be our little Butterstick, even if we didn’t win the write-in campaign to name him.

Every time I would see him on the news an involuntary, “Awww!” would escape from my lips. It was uncontrollable. And I haven’t heard about him since I moved. The last time I heard anything, he’d just met his dad.

So, for an update, here’re things I didn’t know about Tai Shan:

He weighs over 40 pounds now. (That’s a lot of butter.)
He’s eating bamboo.
They gave him new trees and he loves to climb them, although it took him three whole days to notice. I can only imagine the “tree watch” that was going on among the zookeepers and the betting pool that must have occurred.
They are selling a Tai Shan DVD for $21.95.

I will never buy that DVD. It’s only 50 minutes. If you taped all the news stories since his birth, you’d have more footage than that.

Plus, who needs a DVD when you have panda cams?
pandacam1
pandacam2

End Blog.